I'm surviving...I go through the emotional ups and downs throughout the day. I'm not getting angry for whatever reason. I only have good/fun thoughts to remember from the past.
I'd like to believe there's something much better on it's way but I feel like I'll never meet or find anyone again.
Oh you will buddy, don't worry about that!! I'm dating a girl I REALLY like. Distance is a problem........but she thinks I'm SOOOO cool............and as far as sex??? Don't laugh....but she is the FEMALE version of Alaska. We match perfectly there!!! We are both insatiable, but faithfull............nice. Don't worry dude, there are plenty of women around. You probably live in a city with a population bigger than my whole PROVINCE!! If I can do it...........you can too.
I'm surviving...I go through the emotional ups and downs throughout the day. I'm not getting angry for whatever reason. I only have good/fun thoughts to remember from the past.
I'd like to believe there's something much better on it's way but I feel like I'll never meet or find anyone again.
Just noticed you are in Southern California. DUDE!! You have more people in the State of California than my entire COUNTRY of CANADA. And you're worried?? You have got it SO made in the shade!!
Yeah right...like all the fancy CA babes are just waiting to hook up with a guy who's recently divorced and has a kid LOL.
I'm sure I'll meet someone somewhere somehow at some point...right now though with my schedule and the routine life I have 0 opportunities to meet anyone.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Well, I have three kids. Having one kid doesn't make it easier, but three? I just keep thinking, who is going to want that? Especially when the oldest has so many behavior problems?
My W gave me and all the other guys I work with stickers one time that said, "Geeks get chicks." I think these days that's true. So, you've got it going on you big IT geek.
I know what you mean about the schedule. When you're ready I'm sure you'll find the time though.
StupidRomeo,, I'm so sorry!! I don't know if this is something I should be suggesting or not but a dear friend of mine from 3rd grade, lost contact 8yrs ago, contacted me when we bumped into each other at the court house! She is a God send to me now as I am to her,,her divorce was finalized in Jan 07'. We do a lot of things together now and thats' how I get through another day! My point: rekindle old friendships from school to keep your mind off of the "D"! When you want to phone, text or e-mail your W don't,,do these things to your friends instead,,if they are true friends they will be there for you!! Keep your chin up!
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
SR, Hmmm,,jeez why can't I have an "H" that says all of those beautiful things to me??! Indeed,,,she does NOT have a clue in what she is losing,,,Oh well, her loss, she doesn't deserve you!
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
Hi SR. Sorry I haven't been by to see what's up for a while, but I got distracted by the events of the Boston gathering.
I wanted to address various bits and pieces of things you've written over the last few posts:
She's always gone from one relationship to another without really being on her own and wouldn't surprise me to know she's already got someone. I mean you gotta have either really close buddies or someone else to be able to get up and leave like this. I know I couldn't do it on my own unless I was hipnotized.
Well, experience and surveying the situations of others here... This is almost certainly true. Uncanny in that my W also is never out of a relationship for very long. Guess that points to some neediness on her part?
In any event, the way I look at it is, and maybe it's different for others, the real decision is, is she coming back or not. If no, then does it exactly matter why?
That said, I know in my case, having a clear picture (as clear as possible anyway, when you know you'll never get the truth out of the WAS) of what happened would be helpful for me in moving on.
The flipside of this, of course, is that knowing the real truth might be even more painful and more of a setback in the healing process. It's a little bit of a minefield to navigate, that's for sure.
In any case, my lawyer emailed me a little bit ago saying he's got the paperwork...so this is permenant.
While I think most here would say the door could always be open a little, the key is that you have to live your life as if what you wrote here is true. Time to start living life for you. As you wrote later on on this thread, perhaps someday she'll see the error of her ways. And maybe you'll have moved on and no longer want her...
I need your guys help to move on, I really don't want to keep any hopes for her return. If/when she does I hope I've long moved on...
Bingo. The biggest thing I see in 'moving on' is to stay active, and start being social again. People kept telling me that, and I kept avoiding it. And when the Boston gathering happened I was terrifed. But I went out, had a blast, and have essentially been on cloud 12 since.
I'm not getting angry for whatever reason. I only have good/fun thoughts to remember from the past.
Seeing this from you makes me a little nervous, although I know exactly what you mean here. I have been the exact same way for the past 7 months. Looking back over my shoulder at what was. Remembering the good. Not getting mad.
Now, looking back I realize two things:
1) Can't live in the past, can't worry about the future (too much). Live for now and live in the moment.
2) Not getting mad is actually bad. Not to be a bloody psychiatrist here, but getting mad is a reaction to having an injustice done. And what bigger injustice than what your W did. In readig about this, people who don't get mad are sometimes the ones who snap. It's like a pressure cooker. Let off the steam a little at a time and it's OK. Keep it in and let it build? Probably not good.
I'd like to believe there's something much better on it's way but I feel like I'll never meet or find anyone again.
Yeah right...like all the fancy CA babes are just waiting to hook up with a guy who's recently divorced and has a kid LOL.
I'm sure I'll meet someone somewhere somehow at some point...right now though with my schedule and the routine life I have 0 opportunities to meet anyone.
In the future, it will be better than it is now. And it's normal to feel you'll not find someone again, "who'd ever want a divorced guy w/ kids...." While those thoughts are normal, most everyone will find someone eventually.
Hope this helps,
Take care,
S_O_T_S aka: Stoic_On_The_Surface
I can't quite get there cause my heart's forsaken me - KT Tunstall
Also check out the program by Dr Ellen at http://www.lightherfire.com (there's one for men and one for women) I think this program works best if you are somehow living together in the same house. I am sure if your W listens to the program (for women) she will think twice. It should also work somewhat if you see each other once in a while. Otherwise it will improve how you relate to women in general and improve any potential future relationship. Personally I do not recommend coaching through Dr Ellen I think because she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear but you can email her for some free advice if you like.
I too am going through a separation and a possible divorce. But nothing ever comes close to the person we married to begin with. This much I am sure. So any help would be most appreciated. Link below:
Yeah right...like all the fancy CA babes are just waiting to hook up with a guy who's recently divorced and has a kid LOL.
I'm sure I'll meet someone somewhere somehow at some point...right now though with my schedule and the routine life I have 0 opportunities to meet anyone.
Hey, SR....has it ever occurred to you there are some fancy CA babes IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU?? DIVORCED, KIDS, TROUBLE FINDING/GETTING BACK INTO DATING?? They are in the same boat as you. MAN!! You have 33 million population. If you can't find someone................well.....my province is SMALLER than your state, and we have 1 million..ONE million people. My country only has 33 million, slightly less than your STATE.
Bud, they ARE out there.....just go find them!! Put the word out to your office colleagues, ESPECIALLY THE GIRLS, that you are single and looking............I've joked with girls 2/3 my age in my Town of 2000........"Hey, I'm shopping for a girlfriend...........are you in?" Make it fun.
FUN is attractive. You will have FAR better luck asking girls in your office than guys, because they have such a huge social network. Easy, breezy man.
Keep your chin up!