But is my W that way b/c she is an alien or b/c of things I did?
That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Right now I don't know how much was me (C thinks "some, but not much"), how much pre-dated my even knowing her, how much is the "alien" thing, and how much is her. Doesn't leave me much to work with. And so I wait....
Hey, Of. I've kept up with your thread but never posted here. Something you said above struck a cord with me. The part where your W said she hasn't been true to herself and has been living up to everyone else's expectations for so long. I've heard the exact same thing from my W many times.
Can I ask what exactly it is you do for a living? You seem so collected and so insightful I was just curious. I wish I could be like that. People who see me every day don't realize what a mess I am. I really let my W get away with too much which I am starting to realize may be my biggest character flaw. I'll do anything as long as it makes her happy all the while resenting her for it.
Not to steal OF's thunder, but you will be a lot more collected with time. That's what everyone told me, and they were right. Read some of my old posts if you can find them. I was distraught, depressed, and thought about my W constantly. Now I barely post on here or think about her--maybe once a day, and I don't dwell on it when the thought arrives. Time heals all wounds.
Me: 29
Wife: 27
Kids: none
Married: 3 years
Together: 6 years
D-Bomb: 12/12/06
"How poor are they who have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?" -Shakespeare
tigerleland is right. Time really is your friend (though it may not always seem like it). That doesn't mean you don't have to work at it, but it is a process.
Originally Posted By: MyWifeHasGoneCrazy
Can I ask what exactly it is you do for a living? You seem so collected and so insightful I was just curious. I wish I could be like that.
Sure you can ask, but I'd guess what you're really interested in is what kind of person I am and hope that it is reflected in my vocation. So I'll put it this way. My background is in business and information systems but I've always been drawn to law, architecture, and landscape engineering as well.
I'll give you a little tip about being collected and insightful. Wait to respond or react, think before you speak, learn from the mistakes of other before you make them, write (if you can avoid speaking) as it gives you the liberty of editing, and strive to be objective (particularly about yourself). Do these and the other two will follow.
Originally Posted By: MyWifeHasGoneCrazy
I'll do anything as long as it makes her happy all the while resenting her for it.
Yep, that's a problem. The resentment builds up and eats away at the relationship like a cancer. It's rather ironic, but many who hate confrontation avoid it because it is uncomfortable. Yet the resentment they build up ultimately comes out anyway and often in ways that create a situation that is far more uncomfortable than any they had worked so hard to avoid.
OldFool. I finally got the time I needed to catch up on your sitch. I see why you wanted me to read your sitch. The differences I see between your sitch and mine is that it appears you were able to detach a bit faster. Also, my W was not so quick to file.
When we get the bomb dropped on us for any number of reasons, we all go through a similar process of mourning. Then the lucky ones find this site, work on them selves, GAL, PMA etc. Meanwhile our spouse's are still walking down the same path that leads us all to this point. When the spouse has a change of heart and wants to start working. Do we enough love left to start over. Do we really want to?
Well folks, my update is that all is quiet on the western front. I suppose no news is news of some kind, but there have been no great changes or revelations. The clock on the D is counting down now (as I understand it). I believe if a court date has not been set within the next 30 days (or so), the D will be dismissed by default. So I continue to wait....
All quiet on the western front...I remember reading that book. I think no news would be great news for your sitch. My parents are going through a D right now in Oregon as well, and theirs has dragged on for OVER 6 years now because neither party has the motivation to get it done. You seem to be brilliant at understanding the 'timeframe' issue so we will all continue to wait with you.
Like IWMIW, im curious has there been any further contact?
ME:28 WAG:27 Together 6 years, no kids. Living apart for last 1.5 years due to job Ex met OM in Vegas, now moving cross country to be with him. Any and all advice welcome and appreciated!!
My parents are going through a D right now in Oregon as well, and theirs has dragged on for OVER 6 years now because neither party has the motivation to get it done.
Then I must be misunderstanding this because so far as I know, that's not possible. I think a separation has no time limit, but once you file for D, you've got six months to get a court date or the D is dropped by default and if you still want one, have to reapply to the court (and pay the filing fee again).
stilldazed & IWMIW: No real contact to speak of. I've literally not seen her or spoken with her (in person or on the phone) in just under three months. There were the cards from her a month or so ago and the occasional e-mail regarding business (such as taxes right now). But that's it...and that's rare. It's been quite nice, actually. Since I don't see her and don't talk with her, she's had virtually zero opportunity to hurt me and that has been a welcome relief.
