Quote: -------------------------------------------------- That is why I cringe sometimes when I see people trying to follow someone's advice off of this baord as if it is going to be the Holy Grail of solutions. --------------------------------------------------
Names?
What are your fears?
-NOPkins-
Oh, come on Nop, I already pointed out that you and Cobra are people that come to mind regarding this issue. I'm not fearful of letting anyone know that. Not sure what you meant by my "fears". Feel free to let me know if you are so inclined. I'm willing to listen. And as I stated to Fearless, the style of communication is very important. It's one thing to state "this is my opinion and here is some feedback that may or may not help you" and another thing to be doling out marital advice as if one has all the answers. Don't get me wrong here. I think you and MrsNop have made amazing progress in your M and kudos again to you. I'm sure both of you have made a very conscious effort to work on your issues and that has been successful. But why feel the need to tell people in the greatest of details what to do for THEIR M? That's where I feel you are overstepping. But again, that's just my opinion. I also feel therapists in general often overstep in their level of "here's what you need to do". So when I see it being done by people on the board, I just find it kind of think it's odd is all. Seems more self-serving than anything else. Then again, all of us on this board are probably fairly self-serving and like to "hear ourselves talk...uhm type". Or none of us would be here. Back to my fears a sec. I'm now thinking that maybe you think I'm avoiding embracing a "solution" mentality. But that is not the case at all. I'm all for solutions. I just strongly feel they are not going to be cookie cutter for every person that comes along. Too many variables with human behavior. My H and I are in a good place right now. I feel like we have similar views on most issues and we both respect each other's opposing viewpoints when they come up. Just like in a therapeutic setting, the M setting should be based on some empathy, respect, and understanding. Not sure if I shared this or not on the board, but both my H and I are licensed therapists in NY (I also teach). We have problems (clearly) just like everyone else but I think my training has provided a good base from which to work on our M issues. I certainly would never overstep my boundaries on this board and start providing therapy where it is not appropriate. So I guess my "fear" is that some of us have the potential to cause more harm than good with what we advise at times. That's all. Take it or leave it. It's a public board.
