survival is hard. i really feel your pain. i wish you could get angry, seems to make things a bit easier to deal with. you are probably better offin the long run, however, to go through this grieving process as you are. feels a bit worse than if they were to have died - at least in death that person is gone for reasons that are out of anyones control.
i know i am sounding like a downer and kind of morbid, but sometimes all of the cheery advice just doesn't help. sometimes you just need someone to understand. i'm here for ya.
