I'm pretty well past that. I don't put that stuff on her. I treat her very, very well. It's just that while I'm doing it, I'm very conflicted. On the one hand I want to be close to her because she is my wife. On the other hand, I'm repulsed by what she's done and the consequences of that. I could never, and would never, stoop as low as she did. I mean, this isn't like it was a one night stand that she felt bad about, begged forgiveness, and promised to never do it again.
If by succeed 100% you mean things being as good now as it was ever possible for them to be, then no, I don't believe that is possible. That doesn't mean I'm miserable. Far from it. I was miserable this time last year. Now I'm just sad, and somewhat alienated.
The only form of love in the Bible that has really anything to do with our feelings is "eros", sexual attraction. The other words refer to our character in terms of friendship and commitments.
Whether I ever feel good about my wife again, whether she ever feels attracted to me again, while certainly desirable, is irrelevant in terms of my love for her. I committed myself to being her husband no matter what. We have two sons who depend upon us not just for their physical needs but, really, everything.
She tells me she loves me...but what does that mean? She told the OM she loved him, too. All this proves is that words are simply tools for manipulation as far as she's concerned, because the actions really weren't there to back that up (either between her and OM, or between her and me).
In the end, I have her, and she seems to have turned over a new leaf. I don't hold the past against her. But neither do I feel all great about trudging into the future with someone who cannot be relied upon.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
