I wish I had words of wisdom for you on this one Heather but I'm out of ideas. I can't relate to the bedtime issue at all because H and I are both adamant that the kids go to bed at 7:30, maybe 8pm on rare nights. I think Nop is probably correct that he is using the kids to fit into his schedule. That's not right at all and I would definitely NOT let that issue slide. You need to start seeing compromise. Start here.
