I'm not so sure that the kind of depth and extent of intimacy and closeness that is possible in marriage is still possible for us, or that I want it even if it's possible, or that I'm even obligated to try for that.
How does your W feel on this same topic? Does she want intimacy or does she feel obligated to try?
Quote:
But God doesn't command me to feel anything for my wife. He commands me to love my wife. There's a difference
TL, ?
You told me once that we can control and choose our feelings. You've told me that love is a choice. Why haven't you made that choice? Why do you choose to feel anger about the past?
I don't think you can clearly know God's command, unless you've been talking to burning bushes lately. I don't think the bible makes any such distinction about loving someone but not feeling anything for them.(I do think God is clear in the Bible about loving others as ourselves. I can't and won't argue theology with you though.) What's keeping you from feeling for her? Anger, pride? I've read that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. We'll never forget. We'll always have some pain. Forgive means to give up a debt. It means you no longer feel she Owes you or has to make anything up to you.
One book or article I read said that forgiveness is next to impossible. It suggested that in order to forgive, we need some form of payment. It suggested working out a 'payment' plan that both parties could accept. Just an idea. I don't know if it's a good one.
What kind of pain is your W in now? Is she doubting the choices she made? Is it worth it to her to live with the guilt she feels, let alone what you put on her? Does she love you? Are you both suffering but staying together because you believe it's the right thing to do? I think it is the right thing to do, FWIW.
But you don't have to be misearable (maybe you do for a while, until the emotions process and the pain dims?). You both can try and work on the R and make it less miserable, and then maybe even get to where you can enjoy it. Who knows, maybe you'll feel for her again.
TL, don't settle for this sitch you're in now, at lest not in the long run. You've gotten me through the early, really rough stages of my sitch. I have a vested interest in seeing you succeed 100%. Hey,I hope I haven't offended you, or if I have, I hope it causes you to feel or think something that helps you in this sitch, even if it has nothing to do with what I've said.
I'm rooting for you TL, and praying for you too.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
