Life of Job

[Aud31]

Glad your night was good--your daughter sounds FABULOUS, and I love how you are handling yourself with her and with your W.

[mcojh]

8-

You are truly a hero. I read the post about last night and I got teary. You are handling this so well. I only hope I can get to your level.

[theoden]

8,

Wow. You are a better man than I.

Bravo...

I could not have said what you said.

Help me with this...please.

You said to D that all people deserve to be happy, so mom is happy away from daddy, and that's OK.

My mind is spinning. Is OK for mom to leave and have an affair?

--Theoden

[whatisis]

8, what a wonderful conversation you had with D12, tuck it away as one of the beautiful memories you will carry. Simply an amazing example of how we can turn a terrible event into something positive. I nominate you for DBer of the month

[81388*]

Thank you all.

What I realized last night is that my wife and I were friends before we were anything else. Actually, when we first met there was little or no chance of it being anything other then that. I have come to the conclusion that we have come full circle. The only current relationship I have with her is that of a friend, so be it.

Our children addore their Mom, even if the marriage can't be saved, I will not do anything to damage that relationship. Do I think it is OK for Mom to leave and have an affair, Hell no! I think it is childish, selfish, hurtful, desrespectful, immoral, and just plain evil. Is that how I want our kids to think of their mother? Double hell no! What becomes of my wife's relationship with our children will be based on her choices and actions, not mine. In the mean time they can be spared the hurtful details of their mother's behavior.

I know in my heart that there is still a chance to save this, but I am equally convinced that to save it, I have to let it go. I have to really admitt that I can not fix this problem, but that I do know someone who can.

[Aud31]

I know in my heart that there is still a chance to save this, but I am equally convinced that to save it, I have to let it go. I have to really admitt that I can not fix this problem, but that I do know someone who can.

You have reached the heart of the matter, and your attitude will serve you well, regardless of final outcomes. Bravo.

[81388*]

Aud, thanks.

I have read another's post about our old relationships being like a burned out house. To replace the glass, and slap some paint on it might make it look a little better, but is still the same house. My relationship needs to be demolished, scraped clean, back to the foundation. In its place I hope to build a beautiful, sturdy home. One that is warm and inviting, but able to weather any storm. The longer we cling to that old house because of how much it means to us, and all the memories it contained, the longer it takes to start construction on the new one.

[jamespb75]

That is well put!

[theoden]

8,

If things go south....

I know you want your children to maintain a good relationship with their mother.

And I imagine you want to remain friends with your wife.

Don't you want your children to know the truth? Sooner or later your kids are going to put two and two together. As you raise them in the Christian faith they will be exposed to moral absolutes..."Thou shalt not commmit adultery", "I hate divorce, says the Lord, God", "What God has joined togather, let no man put asunder." What are you going to say when they ask you the obvious, hard, questions?

What if W tells them it's OK for her to be in love with someone else, sleep with them and leave daddy? Do you want that as an example for your kids? Do you want, not only your kids emotional life to be shattered, but their whole moral/spiritual universe to be smashed?

I'm wrestling with this too, bro.

I guess the reason I'm asking, is I don't want my kids growing up thinking it's OK for Mom to have an affair, run off with another man, who in my case, is their godfather and my ex-best friend. I suppose some people might tell me it would be good idea for my kids to develop a healthy and friendly relationship with the OM.

Help me here, 8. The anger is smoldering in my heart like a wildfire. I want my sons to be men, not morally relativisitc wimps who are supposed to think it's OK for the best man at my wedding and their godfather to participate in the destuction of their parent's marriage. Sin and betrayal: let them know it up close. And, by God's grace, let them forgive it. But how can they know grace if they can't even name sin for what it really is?

Help me here

--Theoden

[81388*]

Theoden;
I have to leave the office soon, so I will post here later tonight to you. For now all I can say is that I think my kids are already putting two and two together.

I could stand up and name the sin for what it is and condemm their mother, but in the process what example do I set for them about forgiveness? When the thing does go south, what are they going to remember, that Dad stood up for his principles?

I in no way intend to leave it at "it is OK" for people to do this to each other, but for right now I don't think it accomplishes anything other than to make me feel better because now my kids know what a foul person their Mother has become.

I have no intention of remaining friends with wife if we are ever divorced, I would find that too painful, and as I have said before she has not become a person I would be friends with.

I will post more later.