Still hanging on

[mcojh]

Rab-

How are the DB books coming? They will give you much insight into his actions, and more importantly, YOUR ACTIONS. If you really think he is going to tell the kids, pre-empt him and have a talk with them yourself. Tell them that Mr X is a friend and you needed an adult to talk to so you went out for dinner. Be clear with them that you are in no way shape or form becoming involved with anyone due to the current situation.

I am serious, read the books. You will learn that you do not want him back unless he wants back in.

Lastly, do not file for the D. If he wants it, let him do it. Money is a poor excuse.

GAL, PMA and most of all, keep telling yourself that no one can control your emotions. You are a rock.

Read the attached piece on detachment, it may help.

II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship. Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness. If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.

Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’ It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them.

Good luck.