Cinders....yes, sometimes it's confusing as what to do.
I went very NC for 9 months now, ever since I moved out.
I first did it for H, b/c I wanted him to have space. Hoping he would "pop out" faster.
After a while, you realize you don't know what it will do or not do for them. The storm rages on with or without you.
Then you realize that is what it is: a raging storm. So, get away and get out. Stay away. Stay safe.
It becomes clear that NC is more for YOU than anything else. ANd it's a personal choice. It worked for me, but others here are more comfortable with more contact and must do it. Whatever works for you.
For me, I realized it was the right thing when I saw changes in myself immediately....I slept for DAYS, I gained weight, I started to look so much better and everyone noticed. That is when I realized, MLC or not, H was toxic to me. So, better NC for me than anyone else.
Make sure you do what is comfortable for you.
I believe that htey do watch us, or maybe not. But, I read around of people who went through one themselves and they will say that in the end, it is best to stay away. To not push and just go on living. They have to come out on their own.
