Thanks for the post. Still not doing well today. Had to take some Xanax already when I first got up. I hope each day will be easier. I did get a little bit better night's sleep last night with all of the medicine in me, so that was good.
Okay. I will leave the finances and home stuff as-is for now so that he'll still feel comfortable coming home. As long as you're sure that I'm not making it too easy on him...
I agree with you that H may agree with me because he doesn't want a confrontation. He hates the debates we get into, and he says I always "win" anyway, so why should he try? So I think you're absolutely right.
I'll just let things be for now then with the business as well. It feel really awkward, but hopefully that will get easier with time.
I saw H this morning for two seconds just when I walked in the door to the office. He was on the phone, so I just walked past him (no eye contact from him) and went up to my office. I went down about 10 minutes later to tell him about a phone call I received from a resident, and he was gone! He left again without even saying goodbye... Why does he keep doing that? I know it seems silly, but it just hurts. If we're working on just being "friends" for now, can't he at least be courteous to me? I don't know...
I called and left a message for him to tell him I needed to tell him something about a resident. He called me back maybe 10 minutes later or so, and he told me where he was and asked what I needed. I told him, and he said he'd take care of it, and we ended the conversation. Short and sweet.
I just don't see any progress yet. I know it's only been a few days and that I so need to work on being patient... Inside, I'm still in a million pieces and just don't feel like going on like this anymore. But I don't have a choice. I don't want to end our marriage, so my only choice is to hang on and hope to be able to turn him around in time.
I so want to talk to him about our R and know I can't. I just want some bit of reassurance that there is still hope for us - anything to hold onto. But I know I can't do that, and I know that even if I did, I can't place any weight on what he would say anyway since he keeps going back and forth on what he tells me.
Just feeling down and blue again today with no interest in anything. Just feel like crawling in bed and not getting out. But still have so much work to get caught up on...
I can only hope that as I get back into GALing my mood will improve and that when he starts seeing changes in me I'll see some baby steps from him that will give me hope again.
You didn't say what you thought about the counseling... Let me know.
As always, thank you so very much for your support.
