You mean they will have it out with OW and we should go after our H's????
Just kidding................
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I said this because a male friend of mine and H's said that they will probably have a big blow-up since the seasons are changing.
I guess I was trying to make a joke about us pursuing our husband's if they and OW are having problems.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I worry though that H will be very firm in this NC thing...so he really WON'T contact me at all, he hasn't even asked the kids how I'm doing ...maybe he's relieved that I let go...afterall he did ask me to let to on Saturday, when he had his breakdown ...maybe I am pushing him very far away like this........so far that he won't want to come back, maybe he's incredibly happy that he's finally on his own, without any burden from me.......uuuuuuurrrghhhhhhh....... I hate this sometimes.....just when you think that you've made the best descision ever, you start to wonder if because it's working for you, it might be working for him, but in a way that I DON'T wish it to work for him........
On the other hand...I had a thought about H going on his "student"-low-budget-ski-trip. OW's friend is going, and she is a realy NUTTER, she is such a drama queen...I can just imagine H having to get on with her for a week !!!! HAHAHAHAHHA...think NOT !!!!
UUUUUURRRRRGGGHHHHH - still confused, must go and reread all your posts to me, because I really don't know if I'm pushing him away....after all he wants ATTENTION right, he craves it, OW gives it, WHY CAN'T I ??? WHY don't they want our attention, or do they secretly want it ??? aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh Had too much dinner - brain working overtime !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
after all he wants ATTENTION right, he craves it, OW gives it, WHY CAN'T I ??? WHY don't they want our attention, or do they secretly want it ???
This is exactly what I get confused about!!! All of it. I feel like if I go dark and don't talk to him it would make him feel like there's no chance of me wanting him back so he wouldn't even try. I talked to a DB coach sooooo long ago how DR says that you should try to figure out why WAS left for OP and provide them what they need and at the same time it says LBS should go dark to get WAS attention. Ultimately, he just said that we have to do what is right for us.
So, for me, there was a time that everytime I spoke with H, everything he said and did hurt me...at that time, I went dark. Now, I can handle a friendship and actually enjoy it. If I ever find out that H and OW are definately together, I don't think I will be able to handle the same kind of friendship. Sooooo, I guess that's what he means, decide what to do for YOU.
I know it's hard to know what YOU want sometimes. It's not always clear I should know, I posted some confusion on my thread today as well, but I think it becomes clearer and clearer with time. You just keep moving forward one step at a time and you will eventually be able to decide what feels right for YOU.
I guess that's it yes.....as long as he's craving attention from OW, he won't be getting it from me. If ever things were to change there, then maybe I could slowly build up a friendship again, but with OW in his life, it makes it too painful and hurtful for me....
Thanks Unbroken, see we really know how to help each other out here don't we ! I love this BB !!
Take care !!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders....yes, sometimes it's confusing as what to do.
I went very NC for 9 months now, ever since I moved out.
I first did it for H, b/c I wanted him to have space. Hoping he would "pop out" faster.
After a while, you realize you don't know what it will do or not do for them. The storm rages on with or without you.
Then you realize that is what it is: a raging storm. So, get away and get out. Stay away. Stay safe.
It becomes clear that NC is more for YOU than anything else. ANd it's a personal choice. It worked for me, but others here are more comfortable with more contact and must do it. Whatever works for you.
For me, I realized it was the right thing when I saw changes in myself immediately....I slept for DAYS, I gained weight, I started to look so much better and everyone noticed. That is when I realized, MLC or not, H was toxic to me. So, better NC for me than anyone else.
Make sure you do what is comfortable for you.
I believe that htey do watch us, or maybe not. But, I read around of people who went through one themselves and they will say that in the end, it is best to stay away. To not push and just go on living. They have to come out on their own.
