And with that blessing I MUST sign off and get some WORK done for my company today (notice I did mean to imply that I am doing work here even if it does not directly affect my employer). It may be a day or two before I get back but not to worry, I will be back. Too many good thoughts to drop.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
There's no particular reason to assume that hairdog, choc, honeypot, GEL, NJ, cemar, etc. (including me) are staying out of the discussion to "try to be safe."
Specifically, I'm staying out of it because I'm very busy at work. Barely have time to read the posts that interest me, much less write on them.
I'm really glad you wrote the post describing your wife's behavior, however unfortunate it may be. It (and this whole thread really) is helping me to understand you and where you were coming from in your replies on my thread. I didn't know anything about you or your W.
While there is real value in this theory, her implementation is all wrong. She will push and confront in her drive to be honest and in so doing, the other person is backed into a corner and losses face. It is all to easy for her to defend herself with this. She is only asking that you be honest and own your feelings, plus she is doing it for your own good because she can separate you from your actions. Sounds good but it sure as hell doesn’t feel so good. Why?
This describes some of what I was feeling when I read your comments and questions to me on my thread. At times I felt you were in my face -- a bit too aggressive with me, someone you don't know at all. I understand now that it was your desire to understand human behavior that led to your posts, but at times it was surreal for me. For you and some of the others it became a theoretical discussion, but for me it was my life! I'm on an emotional rollercoaster as I continue to understand the ramifications of what happened to me. I simply am not capable of participating in a theoretical discussion about it right now. For me, today, examining how things might have played out if either parent behaved differently is completely irrelevant. But, as a theoretical discussion I can see how it could be interesting to others. Maybe it should have been spun off to a new thread sooner. Anyway, I can understand that you had to develop these skills to live with your W, and you have learned them very well.
You are very intuitive, articulate and intelligent. You pointed out a few things about me that were spot on, before I realized it myself. I suppose I'd have preferred that you bounce my comments back to me and ask me how I felt or why did I think I felt that way, etc. instead of the more confrontational/analytical approach you used. I do think it's important to recognize that sometimes people don't need to be analyzed, or at least they don't need to have others' analyses pointed out to them. Sometimes people are just human beings, baffling behavior and all, who just want to connect with fellow human beings in the journey of life.
I have not known exactly how to respond to Corri and others because I have "assumed" that Cobra and I were conversing just fine about the subject at hand.
I thought y'all were doing fine, too. It seemed to me that there was NO rancor or hard feelings at all in the exchanges between you and cobra. Even when deraven jumped in, I didn't pick up on any increase in tension or anything. Y'all are clear communicators (verbose, too! ) and as cobra said, good sports. I don't know why corri felt moved to come to cobra's defense.
Why did I defend Cobra? Guess what? It stunned even me, which I believe I wrote in my very first line.
I have a particular weakness that I project onto the world... when **I** perceive that someone is being ganged up on (whether that perception is correct or not)... I tend to jump into the fray. Whether I'm needed/wanted in the fray or not.
LFL, I have lately defended the guys on this board. I suppose my most recent memory would be of Cobra and Blackfoot. I've also defended Chrome, Hairdog, NOP (way back when), Cloud9 (if anyone remembers him)... I believe I've spoken up for Heather and Lil... Fran and Mo, a time or two...
And plenty of people have stuck up for me over the years here.
My 'real life' filter got in the way. Sorry for butting in.
Why did I defend Cobra? Guess what? It stunned even me, which I believe I wrote in my very first line.
Now what’s that supposed to mean? It wouldn’t have something to do with your soft side coming out, would it? Hmmm… sounds a little like one of those backhanded compliments, but this time the compliment is to yourself….stunned that you found the impetus to defend me…. So is that testament to your growth or to mine? I’ll take it as for the both of us. But guess what? It stunned me too!
I'm with hairdog on the too much work and too little time. Just reading along told me I was way too behind on this one to reply. OTOH - you never know what may lead to growth. Seems that you (Cobra) found this discussion helpful. Maybe others did too.
Too many good thoughts to drop.
) and as cobra said, good sports. I don't know why corri felt moved to come to cobra's defense.