I'm really glad you wrote the post describing your wife's behavior, however unfortunate it may be. It (and this whole thread really) is helping me to understand you and where you were coming from in your replies on my thread. I didn't know anything about you or your W.
While there is real value in this theory, her implementation is all wrong. She will push and confront in her drive to be honest and in so doing, the other person is backed into a corner and losses face. It is all to easy for her to defend herself with this. She is only asking that you be honest and own your feelings, plus she is doing it for your own good because she can separate you from your actions. Sounds good but it sure as hell doesn’t feel so good. Why?
This describes some of what I was feeling when I read your comments and questions to me on my thread. At times I felt you were in my face -- a bit too aggressive with me, someone you don't know at all. I understand now that it was your desire to understand human behavior that led to your posts, but at times it was surreal for me. For you and some of the others it became a theoretical discussion, but for me it was my life! I'm on an emotional rollercoaster as I continue to understand the ramifications of what happened to me. I simply am not capable of participating in a theoretical discussion about it right now. For me, today, examining how things might have played out if either parent behaved differently is completely irrelevant. But, as a theoretical discussion I can see how it could be interesting to others. Maybe it should have been spun off to a new thread sooner. Anyway, I can understand that you had to develop these skills to live with your W, and you have learned them very well.
You are very intuitive, articulate and intelligent. You pointed out a few things about me that were spot on, before I realized it myself. I suppose I'd have preferred that you bounce my comments back to me and ask me how I felt or why did I think I felt that way, etc. instead of the more confrontational/analytical approach you used. I do think it's important to recognize that sometimes people don't need to be analyzed, or at least they don't need to have others' analyses pointed out to them. Sometimes people are just human beings, baffling behavior and all, who just want to connect with fellow human beings in the journey of life.
