I just reread some of your posts. On one hand you mention not making waves, and on another you do mention telling your husband about the problems so I'm a little confused.
Unless you're happy with the current situation, I think you'd be best off telling your husband everything (the affair, how you're connecting better with others, etc...). That way everything REALLY is out on the table and you and your husband aren't continuing with some lie. If so far, nothing you have done has made him take your unhappiness seriously, and try to work towards a better marriage, maybe it's time you try to "wake him up." Life is short, and you are not a young woman anymore.
