I woke up this morning realising that after spending time on Angelica's Batcave thread, I had been visiting my H's batcave in Dreamland .....!!
It was horrible to be there.....although of course I have NO idea what it REALLY looks like....
I'm struggling a little today....I don't WANT to contact H and even if I did I really wouldn't know WHAT to actually say....so NO CONTACT still stands.
I just really miss him, I'm worried too of course about him - yes mom behaviour and I need to let it go, but I was hoping that by writing it down it would leave my head and I could keep on letting things go, one by one.
Celestial do I take it that you and your H are trying to get back together after 2 years? I love those stories....they are so hopeful and it makes me really want to trust in God and time.... I hope you do find each other again and live a happy life together !
PWS, you have become so independant and strong it is unbelievable !!! I remember you obsessing about the OW, but NOW, now you stand for who YOU are and you're proud of it too !!!! I admire you greatly !!!! You are a super woman and you managed the detachment really well !
I hope that this NC will not do more damage....although I doubt that's possible. Afterall H did tell me to let go of him during his 'drunk' after-ball-conversation with me. I was letting go, and now I HAVE let go of him, to him even literally because I won't see him. I keep having faith in God and letting it GO !!!
Ok, it's all out, have to go and meet some friends for coffee !! Lots of love,
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Just spoke to a friend and she told me that maybe H isn't at the office so much so he can avoid OW !! Of course this could be true, as he would be spending 7 days a week with her otherwise...and H loves to be a loner !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Please don't think that your Husband is out having a great time and living his life to the fullest. It isn't like that at all.
Of course you are worried about him, it is only natural, we all worry when we see the person that we love spinning out of control like a top.
But at the same time, they have to find themselves and figure out what it is that they really want. They need time and space to get it all together again.
Allowing him to miss you is huge. I know the urge to pick up the phone or send a text message. Each time I thought about it I would tell myself to get through another hour, and slowly, slowly the urges became less and less.
Try to remember that detaching and distancing yourself are two different things. When you are in contact with him keep things light and upbeat. On the phone keep a smile on your face, even when he is acting like a schmuck.
Allow him to miss you CM, allow him to see that he has made the biggest mistake of his life but the trick is not to actually tell him this.
Keep your eyes focused on HIM and let HIM give you the wisdom you need to continue this arduous journey.
(((((Faith)))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
What a lovely and sweet thing your wrote me !!! I know this is best, and I know this is the only way he might ever miss me, and I know this is all that I can do for now......My head knows all this.......but my body and soul ache for the pain he is going through.......for the torture in his mind, for the foolish things he is doing, for him missing out on his kids, for all the pain it has caused them, him and me ........yet I KNOW this is what I must do for now.
Taking it step by step is exactly how this should be done, thank you, that was wonderful advice....it's nice to know you've felt the same and been in the same situation ...well, for comfort's sake, not because I wish this on anyone !!
I'm off to take the girls to hockey practice, it should be fun, I have lots of girlfriends that go there and we always have a great chat there !! My life is really good at the moment...I have lots of friends(and many of them really care, and I guess I'm lucky that many of them also see H doing stuff that is really MLC, so they know it's probably that, so they have compassion....for me, but also for him !!) I'm enjoying my kids and my new found freedom to do what I like...so I am OK on the whole !! Even quite happy actually. Of course I don't deny that having H find his way back to us would be the cherry on the cake !! hahaha - Just pictured him as a cherry !!!
Anyway, thanks so much for your post, it's so wonderful that you are all so sweet and encouraging through all of this !!!
Back later !!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Thanks Cinders. You sound like you are doing well. I have things to do better. Many things. But it is falling into place now.....he has to do what he has to do.....and I cant not be a part of it. Ick and I dont want to. I keep telling everyone a neutral place has worked for me. Stand or not standing....it will be my choice whether I let him in. I just dont want to let life pass me by any longer. I mite miss the oppurtunity of a lifetime....be it a job, a place to live, new friends or even the love of a lifetime. It mite not or mite be my H.
Has anyone noticed we are almost all cycling the same???????
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
AND YES.....we are all cycling in round about the same place ....
maybe it's like menstrual cycling - a group of women living together will probably menstruate at around the same time each month...maybe because we're all so in touch with each other, we're following the same curves !!!
Any other ideas ??
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Menstrual cycling??? I love that! Our H's are cycling together....let's hear it for the brotherhood!
Yes, LL is distancing himself...after all the contact we had...he would call me several times a day and such...come over to the house...now I have hardly spoken to him since Saturday and have not seen him either...I am letting go...I slipped and texted him and he called me but he is far away...I can tell. SO I am stopping all the contact giving him space.
Cinders, the urge is strong...BND is right, we have to let them figure this out on their own...it doesn't mean when they do call that we can't be pleasant...we should be. Just remember, this is something THEY have to go through...you have to db for YOU. You'll get the hang sweets!
Gosh, it seems like so many of us last had contact with H's on Saturday.
We haven't heard from him and the kids do not have the urge to call him.
I wonder how long it will take him to break down and call? I am not even going to tell him I got a part time job.
This will be funny--he will be putting me down to my face or the kids about not doing anything and we can say that I have been working for months now!!
I want H to stay in that demon trap he is in. This way he is trapped over there, cannot use our house to escape to, and he cannot drink either. This should be fun.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Right back at you !!!! Thanks, maybe it has something to do with the moon ??? There are a few of us who last had contact with our H's on Saturday .....You, Steelers, Me.....who else ??
I'm doing fine actually, really taking it hour by hour, day by day. It hurts to think might not be thinking of me enough to call.....but then who knows WHAT he is thinking right ?! (we can only hope that at some level, they might be missing us...)
Ok - about the moon cycles ....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
