Heather....Hi, my name is GEL....and I'm addicted to divorcebusting.com LOL I try to stay away and keep coming back.
I'm not here as often as I have been in the past but here I am again...I had a few moments and caught up on your sitch. When you two have a conversation like the one you described it seems to me that (from an outside perspective) you are each trying to prove yourself "right" and the other person "wrong" in your conversation. You may not view it that way, but I can tell you in the past...I've had many VERY similar conversations with my H. Even when "I" didn't feel I was trying to prove him wrong...wasn't even using those words....my H still heard in his head me saying "you're wrong, I'm right!" He would fight me tooth and nail not to be wrong....because he felt inferior if he was.
Finally one day, when I was getting nowhere in the conversation...I just said "I see your point and it's a good one, my point is valid too though...there is room for both in the solution to this." It took a few moments for my H to realize what I was saying...he became so focused on proving himself right and insisting that I was trying to prove him wrong that he didn't catch what I was saying at first...I had to repeat it a few times.
Seems to me that in your situation there is room for compromise in this area....start the bedtime routine earlier. That way your H gets to show what he believes to be important (completing tasks) and you get to show that a regular bedtime and a good nights sleep are also important. Starting it earlier may not be "convenient" for either of you, but it's part of the compromise.
