Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

Things seemed to be ok later that night. We talked a little....I'm feeling overwhelmed so it's hard for me to lay out what was said right now, but it was a good conversation and I hugged him before I went to bed-then he came into my room and kissed me on the forehead hours later before he went to bed.

Yesterday, he was more in his shell than he has been. Not initiating any affection and not being all that responsive to my affection. S6 fell asleep yesterday when they got home and he was still sleeping when I got home. I woke him up and we all went out to dinner, we had a nice time. On the way home from dinner S6 fell asleep again. We got home at about 8:45. We came in, I got D4 ready for bed and asked S6 to finish his milk, at which point H says 'He has time'. I said 'I'd like to get him bedtime started early tonight.' He said 'That's nice'. I said 'H, it's obvious he's tired' and he just rolled eyes and said pfft or something like that. I said "H, he fell asleep twice today, I think it's apparent that he's tired". H said "Well actually, since he took a nap, he should get to stay up later". S6 said 'Yeah, and it was a long nap too'.

I went for a walk and after S6 was tucked in H came and sat next to me on the couch. I said 'Well, that sucked.' He asked what sucked. I said, 'what just happened'. We talked about it-it wasn't a good conversation, neither of us got out of hand exactly, but there was not the same level of respect that has been present in our more recent conversations. He just kept saying all the same old stuff, that he's given and given on S6's bedtime, at which point I asked 'If it wasn't for me, what time would you put S6 in bed?' He said he didn't know. He said the bedtime routine used to be a lot longer and that he didn't really think about the time, he just put S6 to bed after they finished up what they were doing. I said 'That would be nice, wouldn't it? If times didn't matter, if responsiblilities didn't warrant a schedule? It's our job to instill good habits and a sense of responsiblility in our kids.' He said 'Going to be early is not teaching responsiblity.' I said 'Yes it is, it's teaching that sleep is important for our bodies to function and it's teaching that tomorrow's activities are important.' He said 'I would think it would be more responsible to finish up what you're doing and make sure things are put away, etc'.
Trying to state my opinions when H disagrees with me is fruitless because all it turns into is an argument, he uses ridiculous (IMO) logic to justify the things he says and does. It's hard for me to believe he can say some of the stuff he says and manage to say it with a straight face no less. He's convinced that he's given and given on the bedtime issue and that it's just 'not good enough' for me. He mentioned again last night that I treat D4 differently and that he doesn't think I know how to compromise. The conversation didn't end very well, but H did say goodnight and he came back out to kiss my forehead before he went to sleep.

So where does that leave me? Where is this new R that I wanted? H managed to be nice to me for about a week before he used the L appt as an excuse to pull away again, all the while blaming me for my lack of commitment. I was not very friendly to H this morning, I managed to say goodbye but that was all I could muster. This is not good.

It seems like we are right back where we started. At least for a while, I saw some genuine affection from H but I guess he was only able to keep it up for a week. WTH?