iluv, Maybe. I have made it clear to him that he is still needed and wanted very much by me. Just about a month ago we had a R talk. And there have been nights I have sent him emails or texts, saying I miss him or that I wish he were here. He never replies to these but I know he reads them.
It is said that being strong attracts them back to us. I do not know if this is true. What repels my H from reconciling with me now, according to him, is his guilt for what he has done. Strong or weak, there is nothing I can do to change that inside of him. I have told him I forgive him; it doesn't matter.
I think he hates his life, you are right. And I don't. Not even after what he did to me. But the difference is, I had a loving family to fall back on, and H's family is not as close as mine. He does have support from them but it isn't the way mine is. I feel badly for him because my family still misses H and he could still be a part of it, but he won't allow himself.
It is all such a shame.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
