I'm sure it may be obvious to you but I just realized THAT, after thinking about how your and xH's different childhoods created a similar dysfunction, BECAUSE xH was always told yes and told yes unequivocally he did not know how to handle anything other than a total YES. Like if he asked me about going out with his friend and I gave him anything less than a 100% unequivocal YES, then he felt hurt and put upon. I did not understand that for awhile. Then even when I became aware of it I could not figure out a way to deal with it. He just felt anything less than a complete yes was hurtful. Again it is not that I demanded anything; I would just ASK if he could make a change in plans (maybe something as simple as waiting to leave at 5:30 rather than 5:00 so I could see him) And again it was the ASKING that was a problem. This is not about demanding or yelling at this stage.
However I can understand that he felt badly because of his issues. The problem is where did that leave me? Was I supposed to give up my needs? I could not understand why we couldn't look for a win-win solution because it seemed so easy. But again with a person who is not familiar with any form of compromise, I'm sure it would not feel comfortable.
Anyway... just more thoughts about how people develop.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
