This was my interpretation and later in counseling he did not disagree with it. In fact my counselor and I spoke about this recently. xH really was not a bad guy but somehow he was able to operate on a level where his feelings, needs and wants ALWAYS came first. Of course he would do nice things for me however if there was a choice, he would always do something for himself first.
It is so interesting that you describe your childhood that way because xH's was almost the exact opposite (his parents and family doted on him and I doubt he ever heard the answer no to a request. He adores (practically worships) his family so much that dealing with the fact that they may have contributed to his dysfunction has been a huge hurdle. His manipulation was even more complicated. It was not about getting what he wanted but about getting what he wanted without acknowledging that someone else may have to be hurt or sacrifice for him) and yet it seems you have similar results. I noticed something on Mrs.CAC4's thread where I thought my xH acted very similar to her but his childhood was so different. I guess it shows that there are many different ways to the same dysfunction?? Very weird!!
To be fair it would be hard for me to characterize my reactions accurately and fairly. I think that I am a reasonable person and even though he waited to the last minute to spring these things on me and irritated me with the "I know you'll be mad", the type of anger I showed him would probably be best characterized as "why couldn't you have told me earlier? I could have made plans with my friends. Haven't I asked you to let me know about these things. Why don't you consider my feelings?" And maybe my voice would have been raised. Although I am not much of a yeller, I do raise my voice and I know xH was sensitive to that.
I wrote a short novel to Cobra which might have more of the information you are asking about.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
