I recall Fearless mentioning you but I did not know you two are in a relationship. I just thought you were another poster.
I do not believe it is controlling to ask your partner to accept that your feelings are genuine. I listen to fearless and validate her feelings. I don't believe asking your partner to accept your feelings as genuine is forcing your opinion on him/her.
Agreed.
I don't understand your views on assumptions. I will tell you that my ex-wife expected me to make assumptions, read her mind, etc. and I could never do enough.
And you never will. It is a futile exercise. Read Dieda. He explains this very nicely. My views on assumptions have nothing to do with reading the other person’s mind. I make assumptions in order to put myself into their shoes, to try to understand them for MY sake, not for their sake. It sounds like your ex wanted you to read her mind to better please her. That is placating and a no-win situation. She will keep changing the rule to keep you dancing.
What I was trying to say before is that understanding your ex would be for the purpose of trying to see things from her perspective to better understand her complaints about you. If you agree that her complaints are valid and should be acknowledged, whether you agree with them or not, you then need to understand why she says what she says, and how you play into her complaints. Does that make sense?
To be in a relationship where fearless and I can ask for what we want without resentment that it wasn't anticipated is very refreshing. I appreciate that she can meet her own needs. There is no expectation that I should make her happy by instinctively knowing the right thing to say or do.
Sound like you have a healthy level of differentiation that we are all trying to achive.
Cobra, I have to say as a man who sees the mistakes he made in his marriage and as the father of a D8 I don't understand your views at all on relationships or child rearing.
