New to Piecing II

[happy_again]

you are so patient with that woman. what i dont get is if you have made so many changes in the marriage and she wanted you back together again then why is she still so stubborn and selfish. i do not understand why you make so many excuses for her bad behavior and not hold her accountable for anything she says or does or doesnt do. i dont want to think of you as a ticking time bomb ready to snap because of the crap she keeps heaping onto you. i know you are a peacemaker and you desperately want things to be better and you are so much more ahead of the game but when will it be your turn to have a say so in things? when will you be able to be treated like a man?

[COG]

happy,

i know you are a peacemaker and you desperately want things to be better and you are so much more ahead of the game but when will it be your turn to have a say so in things? when will you be able to be treated like a man?

Only God can answer that. Until then, it's death to self. I guess I kind of see it as a little pay back. For the first 10 years of M, I was not the supportive, gentle, kind and loving H that I should have been, the kind you know me as today. I never cheated, did'nt loose myself in chemical dependencies, etc. I just did'nt act like the man that I want to be treated as. I was judgmental, critical, selfish, and impatient. She was'nt perfect either, but I was a jerk.

I've also been venting here a lot lately. Getting some pissy stuff off my chest. Overall this woman treats me VERY well. Just not the physical attraction or intimacy that we'd both like to have. It's not fair that after all the work I've done on me, we still don't have what we want. It's not fair, but it's life. We can learn to accept life as it comes, and find joy in the moments, or fight for our own gratification. For now, I choose to stand for something that's much bigger than I am.

Now, on to last night. I've been thinking about something that Frank and Sven will probably be proud of me for. Been reading some of the info you guys recommended. So last night I got into bed and W was getting ready. We were chatting a little and I said "I need to let you know that we won't be able to have sex for awhile". Of course she looks and me kind of concerned and says "really, why?". So I respond, "because I gave it up for Lent". She covered her mouth and just busted up laughing. Then she said, "oh I get it, you think that'll make me want to have sex with you because I can't". I responded, "oh no, it's purely my personal choice, I know you would'nt want to have sex." So we just giggled, and then she gave me two good night kisses instead of the usual one, and she rested her head on my chest for a little bit. So I consider that progess.

Oh she's gonna melt in my arms some day, like ice cream on a summer day. She's not going to know what hit her. I'm gonna smooze her, put her into a Love trance. Her strong will does'nt stand a chance against my manly charisma. She's history, going down, I say!! May God break through any walls of doubt.

Love,

COG

[believing_isaiah43]

Oh she's gonna melt in my arms some day, like ice cream on a summer day. She's not going to know what hit her. I'm gonna smooze her, put her into a Love trance. Her strong will does'nt stand a chance against my manly charisma. She's history, going down, I say!! May God break through any walls of doubt.

COG, I so want to claim this on my end too for my H. It's driving me crazy and making me weepy. Doesn't it make you insane, too? I keep thinking I'm peaking, I'm fabulous, and he's leaving me to rot over here. I was leaving the gym today and got one of those don't-realize-it's-you moments when I saw myself in the window reflection. OMGosh, I thought, I really am good looking. What the hell is WRONG with him?

I'm tired of 'servicing' myself so much, and about a third of the time, I end up crying afterwards. WTH is that? I do not feel like I'm walking in victory worth a crap. Ah. Ranting now coming to an end. Thanks for letting me put it here, instead of on my own thread. Sort of hidden in a corner, my craziest self.

[COG]

BI,

COG, I so want to claim this on my end too for my H.

Nobody's stopping you but YOU!

Doesn't it make you insane, too?

Only when I let it.

I keep thinking I'm peaking, I'm fabulous, and he's leaving me to rot over here. I was leaving the gym today and got one of those don't-realize-it's-you moments when I saw myself in the window reflection. OMGosh, I thought, I really am good looking.

Just keep with that thought, and don't go to the "What the hell is WRONG with him?" thought.

I'm tired of 'servicing' myself so much, and about a third of the time, I end up crying afterwards.

Well try to look at the bright side. You can get it almost perfectly right, whereas your H would probably be doing things not quite right. Sometimes it is saddening to be our own lover, but hey, it could be worse. You could have no hands, or worse be paralyzed without any feeling at all. You could be on your deathbed right now, not knowing if you'll see another day. It could always be worse, try enjoying the moments more, and let our struggling S's just struggle awhile longer.

Hang in there woman! And feel free to come rant on my thread anytime.

Love,

COG

[Heywyre]

I'm tired of 'servicing' myself so much

I couldn't help but comment on this line. COG has it down pat - it could be A LOT worse.

On another note, I remember a long, long time ago (we won't get into years) and it was during my first marriage (H is now deceased - poor soul) we were a group of people and he (and other guys) were bragging, more than anything, about how good sex was with "other" people in the past etc. It was kind of embarassing (as I was quite young) and I felt like I was put on the spot. But, without hesitation, and you could hear a pin drop at that point - because I was somewhat of a prude, I said "the best lover I ever had was me". Needless to say the crowd burst into laughter and my H's face went as red as a firetruck. That was the last time he talked sex in public too.

[COG]

HA HA HA!! That's a great story Heywyre.

[amd]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's awesome!

"We were chatting a little and I said "I need to let you know that we won't be able to have sex for awhile". Of course she looks and me kind of concerned and says "really, why?". So I respond, "because I gave it up for Lent". She covered her mouth and just busted up laughing. Then she said, "oh I get it, you think that'll make me want to have sex with you because I can't". I responded, "oh no, it's purely my personal choice, I know you would'nt want to have sex." So we just giggled, and then she gave me two good night kisses instead of the usual one, and she rested her head on my chest for a little bit. So I consider that progess."

This is also awesome! Great spin, COG!

[frank_D]

We were chatting a little and I said "I need to let you know that we won't be able to have sex for awhile". Of course she looks and me kind of concerned and says "really, why?". So I respond, "because I gave it up for Lent". She covered her mouth and just busted up laughing. Then she said, "oh I get it, you think that'll make me want to have sex with you because I can't". I responded, "oh no, it's purely my personal choice, I know you would'nt want to have sex." So we just giggled, and then she gave me two good night kisses instead of the usual one, and she rested her head on my chest for a little bit. So I consider that progess.

Oh yeah! I am laughing my butt off. Typical 'bad boy' actions. You just made another deposit in the 'attraction' bank. I can just see you with a dead serious 'poker face' saying "oh no, it's purely my personal choice, I know you would'nt want to have sex."

And, you got results. COOL

Oh she's gonna melt in my arms some day, like ice cream on a summer day. She's not going to know what hit her. I'm gonna smooze her, put her into a Love trance. Her strong will does'nt stand a chance against my manly charisma. She's history, going down, I say!! May God break through any walls of doubt.

Like I said, the woman is OWNED.

Resistance is futile.

[Heywyre]

Hmmm wonder if that works the other way around (woman to man) I will have to give that one a try with my H (if he even remembers how to do "it" anymore)

[COG]

Frank,

Thanks for the vote of confidence! There are times when I just KNOW beyond a shadow of doubt that things are gonna pop! Then there are times when I sense the wave is cresting and I'm about to go in head first for a pounding. One things for sure, I'm a tough SOB. I get my ass kicked on a regular basis but I don't ever give up. I'm bloodied and broken but to count me out would be a gross mistake. I'll fight to the death and give it all for my family and M, no matter how much I'm appreciated or respected for it. The longer this struggle goes on, the stronger, and tougher I get. It's the armor of Christ I'm wearing, and He'll see me through.

Thank You and God Bless You,

COG