In this particular example the need he had "to be able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted without any thought of my needs or feelings" is not an "acceptable" part of good marriage. If the need was to have good friendships, then he should have been responsible for keeping the friendships while doing it in a way that respected the marriage.
Is that how he actually put it or is it paraphrased?
The earlier scenario you described is one to which I can relate. My parent's first reaction to anything I asked to do as a child was "no". As time wore on, I would start agonizing about the next event I wanted to go to. I wanted the answer to be "yes" so I spent a great deal of emotional and mental energy trying to figure out how to present my request is such a way that I would get permission/approval/acceptance. I don't recall ever getting a "yes".
As I got old enough, I just left my parents out of the loop totally. So, along with the manipulative thought processes and emotions (the sense that if I could present it just "so" that my quest would be successful), I added sneakiness and lies.
I drug these traits with me into all my other relationships. It appears that your husband has done so as well. Would you say that the majority of the time you are able to happily accept his activities, or is it usually a disapproving response because he waits until the last minute to tell you?
MrsNOP -
edited to add: oops, just noticed it was EXh. So, please change all the tenses.
