Do you think that's what it was, or do you think he really just doesn't care??? I don't know what he thinks and neither do you...he may have not been thinking or he was just avoiding another questioning??? Do you honestly think it's not too late to fix this? I honestly don't think it's too late to fix this. If he does come home again some night, how do I handle it? Be nice and happy. Try not to talk so much and listen to what he says...follow his lead...if he wants to have sex with you...well that is your choice but you might want to set some boundries...let him know you really want to work on a normal healthy sexual life but because of OW you don't think it would be right....that would be my feelings on it. Before, at least the understanding was there between us that he was coming home at some point, but now? You pushed him to give you an answer and he gave you one to shut you up....again my feeling....you have to leave him alone....don't make him tell you again that he isn't coming back....instead act as if you respect his feelings and the reasons for leaving and wanting time to himself Can I still win him back? Probably in time. Is it really too late, as he told me? Again I don't think it is IF YOU GIVE HIM RESPECT for his feelings and quit asking him the same things over and over until he is forced to give you an answer that maybe he doesn't want to give but will shut you up. Will he be able to get beyond this? If you give him the time and space, yes he can. What if he really DOES want to be with her instead of me??? Right now he does want to be with OW instead of you....only YOU can change that feeling by becoming attractive to him the way OW does....by not pressuring him Have any of you talked to a DB coach? I haven't but had a friend that did and he said it was the best money he spent. You guys are better than any therapist could be anyway, right? I wouldn't go that far.
Are you saying I need to not do these things anymore? If so, how do I transition into that? Do I give him the bills and tell him to pay them? I am saying to respect his feelings you need to act like you are not a couple. Let him know that you will take care of your personal business and he can take care of his....if he ASKS you to do something for him and you don't mind then okay....but don't assume he wants you to KEEP DOING IT...make him responsible because if he was to not come back can you honestly say you would be making his travel arrangements and phone calls for the rest of his/your life??? Maybe I need to get some books on that issue? Lin, have you found any helpful books on the communication "beating a dead horse," asking a million questions, etc., issue? I read a lot here and examined myself honestly. Also, please tell me what to do if he ever DOES come home for a night, okay?Read what I wrot above.
So...you see all the questions you asked and I answered them all...now practice accepting the answers and don't ask them again....this is your first lesson of the week to work on.... Are you up for the challenge???
I do think if you can REALLY make CHANGES IN YOU...PERMANENT ones that H will take another look....and when he does you have to be resolved to not blow it...stay calm, don't get clingy, don't start questioning, and be the lover that he needs...become the OW in his life....does that make sense?
