Sometimes it takes a long time to stabilize. And things will get better.
Even when we get good at DB, bad feelings will cycle through.
It's like the stages of grief: sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, etc. Except with our marriages, until the divorce is busted or ends, we are living in constant grief. So I have found, that though I do better most of the time, I find these emotions cycling through again and again in "phases".
I don't know if you have experienced it. My therapist warned me about it and it's rather normal. It's not backsliding, it's just normal.
Had a crying bout today, even though there is some positive stuff going on in our marriage.
May I share something personal?
For several months I have praying to God that I could enter into my wife's grief. Last night we got some bad news that the house we are trying to buy isn't going to go through. (The seller is backing out of the contract) my wife and I went out for drinks. Really good time. I validated her emotions, didn't judge, I listened, and...she shared a lot of pain about her childhood that not getting the house brought up for her. And I really felt sympathy for her. I suggested that we consider moving to a different city, or out even out of state. She said she didn't want to do that, since she feels shaky about our marriage and feels uncomfortable starting life in a new place with ME. I even validated those feelings and didn't blink an eye.
But later that night and today -- What did I remember? That my prayer to enter my wife's pain was answered by God? That we were having drinks together? That I listened with empathy and detatchment? No...I ruminated on her statement about our marriage being shaky. So...I found a church near my office and went and cried.
She's been sayinf our marriage is shaky for about a year now. So it's no big deal. But it still hits you.
So...sometimes the feelings get the better of us. Even when things are more-or-less positive.
