I am reading SSM, on Chapter 5, and very anxious to find some answers. I am divorced and remarried. I am pretty sure this was the root of the problms in my first marriage. I need touch to feel loved. I tried everything and talked until I was blue in the face. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me!! I truly felt like I gave it my all; went to counselors, read tons of books, ect. So, I ended up having an affair, no surprise there, got divorced and eventually remarried.
It was awesome, my new husband actually wanted me... alot!!!!!!! We were so close and he brought me out of the shell that I had gone into years before. We were very sexual and very intimate. I have never felt so close to anyone! We still laugh and get along great! I love him so much! But after a year of marriage... oh my God, it happened again! Suddenly it just kept getting less and less that we were intimate. We never flirt or joke about being together. If I bring it up or initiate, he either ignores me or giggles like I am joking. What am I doing wrong???? How could this happen to me twice?? I feel betrayed.. he knew what I went thru the first time and he just seemed to "get it". We talked for hours and hours!! Can you say "false advertisement"? I am becoming more and more angry!!
I can't really say that it is "starving" cus we do have a quickie once a week only on the weekend but that is it for the whole week!! NOTHING ELSE, no flirting, no hugging, no kissing... I almost have to beg him to snuggle! But I never turn him down even tho I am angry!! I do believe that he feels like he needs to do it, which I think is a sign that he loves me and cares but I also feel like it is out of obligation sometimes, yuk! I have written him letters and talked to him about it many times, but he just tells me that I am correct and he has to do better, if I got a dime every time I have heard that line!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted us to just keep getting closer and closer and more intimate. I thought we would always be able to discuss sex and everything. He is no longer a talker. He gets annoyed when I want to discuss anything about it and now I am scared to bring anything up. I hate feeling like a nag!! I get annoyed when my friends complain about their husbands wanting sex all the time!! I tell them to shut up and appreciate the fact that their husbands want them!!
I do get it that if I change, things have to change. I have been here before and couldnt fix it. I am a pleaser, I do a lot of things just to make him happy!! I am starting to feel resentment and the fact that he wont talk... I am fresh out of hope, even as I am reading this book. I know that this book could help but he will NOT read anything that I ask him to.
I do want to change!! I dont want to want sex anymore. I dont want to "need to be close". I just want to be happy. How can I just accept it and go on? It's not fair. I couldnt just "accept it" in my first marriage...
