i know you are a peacemaker and you desperately want things to be better and you are so much more ahead of the game but when will it be your turn to have a say so in things? when will you be able to be treated like a man?
Only God can answer that. Until then, it's death to self. I guess I kind of see it as a little pay back. For the first 10 years of M, I was not the supportive, gentle, kind and loving H that I should have been, the kind you know me as today. I never cheated, did'nt loose myself in chemical dependencies, etc. I just did'nt act like the man that I want to be treated as. I was judgmental, critical, selfish, and impatient. She was'nt perfect either, but I was a jerk.
I've also been venting here a lot lately. Getting some pissy stuff off my chest. Overall this woman treats me VERY well. Just not the physical attraction or intimacy that we'd both like to have. It's not fair that after all the work I've done on me, we still don't have what we want. It's not fair, but it's life. We can learn to accept life as it comes, and find joy in the moments, or fight for our own gratification. For now, I choose to stand for something that's much bigger than I am.
Now, on to last night. I've been thinking about something that Frank and Sven will probably be proud of me for. Been reading some of the info you guys recommended. So last night I got into bed and W was getting ready. We were chatting a little and I said "I need to let you know that we won't be able to have sex for awhile". Of course she looks and me kind of concerned and says "really, why?". So I respond, "because I gave it up for Lent". She covered her mouth and just busted up laughing. Then she said, "oh I get it, you think that'll make me want to have sex with you because I can't". I responded, "oh no, it's purely my personal choice, I know you would'nt want to have sex." So we just giggled, and then she gave me two good night kisses instead of the usual one, and she rested her head on my chest for a little bit. So I consider that progess.
Oh she's gonna melt in my arms some day, like ice cream on a summer day. She's not going to know what hit her. I'm gonna smooze her, put her into a Love trance. Her strong will does'nt stand a chance against my manly charisma. She's history, going down, I say!! May God break through any walls of doubt.
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
