Discussion on MrsCAC4 thread - Making assumptions

[fearless]

Okay, again in this case xH's assumptions about me were based on his past relationships and not on my initial reactions plus his actions were based on his oversensitivity to disagreement which is a HUGE FOO issue for him.

Perhaps you need to be more receptive to his needs so he doesn’t feel threatened by your response.

In counseling 2 years ago he told me I was too receptive to his needs overall. I did everything with the house, shopping, etc. plus worked a full time job where I had the health insurance and benefits because he was self employed. In this particular example the need he had "to be able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted without any thought of my needs or feelings" is not an "acceptable" part of good marriage. If the need was to have good friendships, then he should have been responsible for keeping the friendships while doing it in a way that respected the marriage.

While I do not think my examples are perfect examples I still believe that seeing your assumption as fact is a significant problem. The problem is not that the wife asks "Are you mad at me?" the problem is that she does not believe him when he says NO and the reason is because she is so SURE she is right.

Your groundedness does not bother me, but I think that (and the fact that you are an engineering type) is actually part of your problem.

What problem do I have????

Actually the funny thing is that my xH was an attorney and he believed that I was too emotional and was not logical enough! I always had to PROVE myself to him logically or else he would not accept my feelings. Of course then he would logically dissect my feelings to show why they were WRONG.

Just shows how differently everyone can view things I guess.