Thanks all. As I said the tide comes and goes. I feel very good today - strong.
My mom gets out of rehab Friday and will be able to return to her apartment. It has been a long two months.
W called last night and asked me to come to the house this morning and take the kids to school b/c she had an early meeting. I wondered why she asked - she had time to drop the kids off and make her meeting, but I said okay. I wanted to say no, but why should I just be spiteful?
I had not seen her in over a month and I really didn't talk to her much unless I had to. She has tried to engage me in conversation but I have no desire. When I saw her today I felt nothing. This my sound angry, but I hope that feeling stays. I am no longer praying for her to reconsider - I am praying my feeling of ‘nothing’ remains. At least I can control that.
I must push her out of my life if there is any hope at all. Plus I have been hurt enough. I am through apologizing for her behavior. I must reject what she has become while still supporting who she really is deep down.
She tried her best to be friendly; I was cold and business like. It felt very good. I am glad I was distant – just before she left, and after trying to be so friendly, she gave me some papers concerning the D. Yes, I go out of my way to do her a favor and she is ready to rub my nose in the D.
Okay, that did press a button but not so bad. I was pissed but being pissed reminds me that there is more detaching to do. It is best I strive for ‘nothing’; nothing but the remembrance of love and forgiveness.
What in heaven’s name happened to these people? I will never understand and frankly I no longer care b/c it really does not matter.
