Hey NJ, I am only just now gettign familiar with your sitch, so forgive me if I am giving counter-productive advice.
I understand waht you're saying about the planned component. We women like to get in the mood and mentally prepare. I get taht -- totally. But I also totally understandn why your H wants it to be spontaneous. I've had similar conversations with my H. I also understand that when he starts coming on to you and announces that he wants sex, that you're not exactly turned on by that. But he is. So maybe there can be a give and take here where sometimes it is spontaneous (even if you don't enjoy it)... that way you're meeting one of his needs. BUT, there needs to be a good dose of the planned aspect and the mental preparation so you can have more of the seductive, romantic foreplay so that you WILL enjoy it.
I'm sure you've gotten lots of good advice from the experts here (which I am not). Just offring my opinion.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
