It is obsession...the ability of not being able to let go. I cannot speak for Lin, but I had to go through a divorce first. The minute the papers were signed, the husband no longer existed in my life. Every ounce of my being totally buried him in my thoughts...and you know what? A year later he stays at my house for the weekend, then goes back to our house during the week. We are becoming best friends again, the trust is coming back because we both don't have any expectations.
The history before this was that we both cheated on each other. Yes, in the beginning I cried, was upset, but put a time of three weeks of not liking myself in that condition. After that I moved out and continued working...met a lot of new friends, did a lot of things that I thought I would never do...scuba diving, soaring, traveling when I could...just to shake up the status quo...it worked. My XH came over one night after my 45 birthday last year and it has been very good. We have had differences here and there, but this time we work them out.
Do not put the OW on a pedestal...she's a symptom only of an unhealthy relationship. Let it die on it's own...it will. Be a happy, self indulgent, enthusiastic person. If you get a chance to see your husband, be at your best, be positive and let him know - you are surviving without him. Show him that your world is not falling apart because he left. You owe that much to yourself.
Yes, it's hard...but...if a doctor told you that you would die if you mentioned the OW to your husband, one more time - or if you act out in desperation you would die...you wouldn't do it. That is how important it is to break those habits...they only push the spouse further away. Once you stop doing what is really hurting your chances for recounciliation - the faster you will heal...
Good luck Penny
Sorry Tam for the hi-jacking...but this applies to you, as well.
