I know these are all things that I am working on..yet I am not sure what I see for myself..I like the simple life...I really don't want to change anything dramatic..I really don't have any single friends that I can seek out and see what the single groups do..my family is out as far as leaning on them...they just want to blame h for everything..so I keep building myself and LL, I will set up some scenerios of what might happen in the different settings..good idea..either way I want to be the survivor. Thanks Sue
Nothing new here..is that good or bad??!! Saw h at church for a brief moment..there is so much that I feel like I want to say to him, but I don't want to initiate anymore talks..I got a book that Dotty had recommened.."Getting Back Together", it is so great..makes so much sense about why seperating may be necessay in some cases, to actually be able to rebuild the r.I want to tell him about it, but I don't want to scare himoff..especially if he is leaning towards not sure if he wants to come back right now. So I will contain myself..we both have the day off..I was secretly hoping he would come over..knowing both our kids are gone...now is that crazy or what!!?? Been reading a sleezy romance novel...what can I say? Sue
Glad you like the book. I have been rereading it this week at the gym. I would not recommend giving it to H to read. I gave it to my H to read last May and it remained on the dresser for weeks unread.
Thanks for reply..I guess I won't give book to h..just seems like they need to read or connect somewhere to figure out what itis they want.. H did call me at work today..asked if I wanted to go to our video club Sat.pm.I sadi yes..he said ok(I did not tell him that I was probably going to go alone)he is starting a Lay leader class Sat..for our church..can't remember if I ever posted that he wanted to be a minsiter when he was 6..but a lay leader can somewhat do some ministries..if needed could substitute and do a sermon..kinda scares me that he might actually what to quit his steady job and go into a seminary..not sure if I could go with that..but then who says I would be with him... wouldn't you also think that if I hurt him this past year for assuming there was an a, that through his faith he could fing forgiveness to me, as I am beginning to forgive him for hurting me in the way he did..but , I sure add alot of those...we have really never sat down and opened up about the true hurts that we might be feeling..the details of what lead us to here...maybe in time, when he feels more sure of what he wants..yet some of the things that I feel need to be said might just set us back..would it be better to get those out now? I try so hard to not feel angry..but I thinks he needs to hear these things. Just venting...again.. Sue p.s. I really was afraid I might get to page 3!!!
Quote: Sometimes I think I should not be here, as I don't have any big things going on, but I need to connect to others, if only to say hi, and have someone who knows how I feel care.
You have just as much of reason to be here as any of us!!!
Don't try to belittle your sitch in comparison to others here. Your sitch is no less difficult for you to deal with.
I, too, do care and feel for you very much and wish I could find more words to help you through the difficult times.
I get a sense of a raising frustration level in your more recent visits and do hope that you don't lose the patience that I admire you for. You have shown yourself here to be a strong yet compassionate lady and that is the kind of support we all here do benefit from!!
I appreciate and know that you guys care...guess I am going through my monthly stage of doubts...frustrations!!!I hate when these feelings come up, but will keep on doing for me..have a great day Sue
Just journalin..went to our video club last night with h, he had been to his class on becoming a lay leader for the church..he was so excited to tell me about it, and I was happy to hear it. I just wish I could understand how or why he can dedicate himself to religion and involvement in the church, yet he can't decide if our m is worth the effort. Shouldn't that be his #1 priority..to go and get some c or training on how to piece his m, the very thing that God has joined together..the promises to be there through good and bad??? I don't like these feelings, but am so glad I can come here and just let them go. One of the couples last night talked about having their 25 th anniv., asked me how long we have been m, I said it will be 25 this year..only a few of these people even know we are seperated..I was thinking that I was not even sure we will get to 25..I feel better now. Sue
Haven't been here for a few days..today seems to be a lonely day for some reason..I sometimes get a strange feeling that everything is not going to work out in my m, and then I don't know if I will make it or not.H called to ask me to make some cookies for work next week..but that is the only reason..never just to say hi, he rarely asks how things are going. I just start to lose faith that he is not going to even try. When he told our kids that we need to get to know each other again as a couple..that it does not mean d...when is he going to make any effort at these things he said? I know I have had these questions all along..I just want something said or done..however small, to know one way or the other..should I ask for a r talk at this point...or since he has not initiated one then it would be pressuring him? Am I missing the signs of his smiles at church or the calls about cookies as signs of I am still working on me right now..but that I care??When I think about his ring I almost want to break down and cry..I have thought about taking just my diamond off, but can't seem to do it..is that clinging to a hope or deniel??I have so many emotions right now..and I knwo from past days that now is not a good time for me to talk to him..as I would cry and come accross as neddy and whiny..so for now I will just let it out here, and try to lift up my spirits. Sue
Hi. Thanks for checking out my sitch. I am going to read yours tonight after I get the kids in bed. (It's 6 pm here in Hawaii).
My H didn't have a physical affair, I felt that it was an emotional affair that he had during his deployment. He didn't tell me about this woman, due to my being insecure to begin with, so I found out about her when I checked his email to see why he hadn't answered mine. She had emailed him 1 time, nothing romantic. She started emailing me, (after she found out I was pretty pissed off, and I had sent an email saying "who are you?")
She started telling me that H told her all about our R, and how he didn't like being around me much anymore due to my clinginess, etc. I've been working on that stuff, though, and he actually contributed quite a bit to my being insecure. He would be out w/her working out or whatever and miss phone calls home, not email, etc. I started getting clingy when I wondered why he was pulling away.
He said that he needed space, etc. Anyway, he and she both claim that nothing happened, I believe him. I think that she would have liked nothing better than to have my H. I got that impression from her many emails that kept coming even H was home, she would email me, asking me if we were working it out, etc. I didn't want to keep contact, so I didn't. H stopped all contact w/her because he sees that she was trying to "get" him (showed him the emails where she was trying to start trouble with us). I have no proof of any other affair, emotional or physical. She was also leaning on my H because she was going through a divorce. She left her H because she wanted to go hang out w/men and he didn't like it, so she left him. I got the impression that this woman was a flirt, etc., liked the male attention she got, whatever. I don't mind if H is friendly w/women, I know he's got to work with them, but if he ever has a woman like that in his life again, there will be problems, I just know it.
Anyway, just wanted to give you some info. about the EA he had. In my opinion, an emotional affair occurs when a spouse confides in a person of the opposite sex personal details that no one should know except the husband and wife. He was talking to her and discussing our problems the way he should have been discussing them with me, but didn't.
