LL has told me the same thing over and over. It's slowly sinking in. You and I seem to be clones. Don't over analyze things. Accept the good and deal with the lousy. You'll be a better person. Don't let him control your thoughts. Now if can only practice what I preach.
Well, h just dropped me off..I got up the nerve to just say "how have things be going, you seem to be less tense" his response was "Yes, I am " Then I said "I see you have taken off your ring" He said "yes, a couple weeks ago" I had nothing to say to that and we were at home and I got out and said goodbye...now I am on the verge of tears...I so want to control myself, but I just don't see anything positive right now. I am going to try really hard to foocus on myself...it seems that i can't quite let go of this marriage and of h...and if I can and it works out, great but at least I will be prepared for it not working.Is that the wrong way to look at things, guess that is the "act as if" thing. Guess I'll go have a good cry and then shape up and work on some positive things for me. Sue
Hello Sue, I can sympathize about the ring. When my H left, he took off his ring. Those rings meant so much to us so it hurt to see that. I eventually gave it back to him and he took it but still does not wear it. After 2 months it still hurts to see that his finger is bare. His excuse is "it doesn't FEEL right to wear it". They know how to get to us, I suppose. Best wishes to you. ~~~Debi
Quote: I said "I see you have taken off your ring" He said "yes, a couple weeks ago" I had nothing to say to that and we were at home and I got out and said goodbye...now I am on the verge of tears...I so want to control myself, but I just don't see anything positive right now.
I'm so sorry, Sue. Did he say nothing else? Try and keep your chin up and do something nice for yourself.
Well guess what?? H came by to pick up son to go for movie, and while son was upstairs fixing bathroom sink, I told h that I had a light bulb go off in the night...that I could not sleep and that I had done alot of thinking...I am on cloud nine right now in that I think I finally realized that for now h is gone, and that I can't always be waiting to see if he calls...I told him that this was not a good time to talk as my hormonal emotions let the tears flood...but he seemed to want to talk(a little, I did most of it)so through the tears I said that I am learning that I will be ok, and that I can go on with life...do things with out him...I did say that the ring thing made me feel that he was saying it is for sure over, h said not at all, that is not the case, he did not offer, and I did not ask why.I said that for the past 2 months if I did not have some contact with him every few days that he would just forget me...he did not answer...he also said that since he moved out that we have been together almost every weekend...and he talked to the minister and she said then it does not sound like you are getting much of the alone time that you moved out for. H again said that the reason he left was because he needs to straighten out his life and being together and doing all kinds of things is the same as before, except that he sleeps somewhere else. I said that is true and that I respect the alone time, told him it was at first, but now I go out Borders and enjoy the muscic and books. I also said that I have learned so much that we can have our seperate friends and activities, something we never had, for 24 yrs we went to work and came home...I said maybe I was controling in that matter, but I knew nothing else...I grew up in a family where my dad did go to work and come home each night..no outside activites..so I thought that is what a family should do. Anyway, I kept saying to h that I hope I did not say anything stupid, but that I really felt good..there are things around thte house that need to be done..painting etc..that I have put off wanting to do.Ialso slipped in that I had thought about maybe we could sell the house.I said I know it is too early to think of that, but that we need more space, we have no finished basement, no family room,no space to be alone.Of course that is really no reason to get a new house, but we are cramped with 4 adults(even though our kids will be leaving some day)..it is an old house, small kitchen, no closets.. So that is where I am at right now, at least he reassured that the ring was not his way of saying it is over..now I wish I would have asked why then..I am not ready to take mine off, so I won't. Till later Sue
just poppin in for a quick hi. I don't see anything wrong with the conversation you had with h. I think it needed to be had. and now that he has told you the ring being off doesn't mean all is lost, stop the worry over it. matters not why.
I basically had the same light bulb go off. I've decided to become independent again and to do things for me. Give H the room he wants. I will not call and when he does I'll simply enjoy the conversation. I'm not going to force him to do things or to come by.
Let him be on his own and let me be on my own.
As for the ring I still wear mine. I probably always will at least that's how I feel now.
Sue, although the conversation sounds like it was difficult, it sounded like you aired a few necessary things about your R. It's good to see that you are going to refocus your efforts on yourself and the things you need to do. The longer I go through this stuff, the longer I realize how much energy is wasted thinking about it. It's good to refocus that energy into doing positive things for ourselves.
