Het, everyone..how is it going?? It is cold here in Illinois. Dotto..hang in there with h being gone..he still has contact with you..that is a plus..they seem to need this space thing..and i feel angry sometimes that I would like my own too..he is good to me though..last night we all went to a new cafe for a sandwich..he is upbeat and laughs more then he has in a long time yet sometimes when I say something that he does not agree with or thinks is silly..he gives me that put out look of his. Dropped us off and told me cocktails were at 6 tonight..Does he really want me to go or does it just look good for him to be there with his w??I wish I knew..But i will try to enjoy myself..As far as the girlfriend thing..flirting I am not sure I know how to do that. Sue
Quote: As far as the girlfriend thing..flirting I am not sure I know how to do that.
just smile, be up-beat. don't question whether or not he WANTs you there, he asked you there didn't he? be attentive, let him do the talking, follow his lead in conversations, let there be quiet moments don't rush to fill the void you may end up missing out on what he would say or do to fill it. be appreciative, say thank you for the smallest of things.
and most importantly and probably the hardest. RELAX and enjoy YOURSELF!!
Ifeel like a school girl coming home to tell all about my date..we had a great time at party..ff was there and I think got mad at my h because someone else took the seats at our table that she and her mf were going to sit..tooo bad..h even asked me to dance..said"this is a slow one so if you want to dance I suppose we could"It felt so good just to have him touch me...then ff came over and of course she is already bombed, and whispered in his ear..he said yes..then she looked at me and said "if that's ok with you..I said what..she said" I want to have the next slow dance with him..he owes me one" *itch!!!of course I said"Sure, I don't care" and I didn't..she was so drunk she could barely stand up..i took my drink and went and sat down with her mf, and as soon as the dance was over she came over and told him she wanted to go..ok then, i asked h why she wanted to go so quick and he said maybe she was horny..I was so hoping that maybe, just maybe he would say why don't you come back to my place..guess that only happens in romance novels..i did tell him thanks and that I had a good time and his response was "yeah"(not sure if that is right spelling)I do have to say i looked ok in my sparkly red top and black skirt..even had 2 guys say you look nice..1 I knew and the other a stray at the bar..of course h did not hear either one say it.So off to dream land.. Sue
Sounds great about the party. H slow danced? WOW! We went to wedding but H would only fast dance with me. But still had a good time.
H came by and spent the day with me yesterday. had a good time. i need to detach though. I think the only difference now is that he doesn't live here. We'll see how it goes.
Hello all, I wish I knew why h stopped coming and doing laundry...I assume it was becasuse I kept coming in and sitting in room while he was watching tv...or he was tense with me around for a few hours in our home...I always have wanted to know what is wrong...maybe the truth is what he said that he can't always just come over and do his laundry..but why not? It's his house too...oh the questions and no answers or even hints..will continue to do for me. Sue
you sound a bit down. . you've got to stop asking yourself these questions, they are not yours to answer, it is for h to figure out. you will be ok no matter what happens and typically the sooner you accept that the more likely what will happen is what you want to happen.
so then sue....what are you doing for you? what new things are you doing that are just for you? any new projects? what are you doing with your time in your new tension free space?
Quoting hoping on "Get out of jail FREE!": Thanks for your boost...you don't always have alot to say...but it is so effective.Will all the hard work and heartache be worth it in the end??I feel like maybe I am in a deniel 'cause I really feel so positive that we will work it all out with time, but every once in awhile that mind thing takes over and I fear I will not be able to handle it if it fails.Sorry to have gone on and on ..take care Sue
Well, I just call it like I see it! Sue, I hope that your H will come around like my W did and end up thanking you for the strength in which you believe that your M will make it through these trying times ... and when he does, then you will know for sure that it is worth it all in the end... (Funny how I just wrote about this on Jethro's thread.)
Quote: I wish I knew why h stopped coming and doing laundry...I assume it was becasuse I kept coming in and sitting in room while he was watching tv...or he was tense with me around for a few hours in our home...I always have wanted to know what is wrong...
The answer could lie in the last part. Instead of wanting to know what's wrong, ask him "Has anything good happened recently?" Get him thinking positive thoughts to ease his tension.
... and like LL asks, how has Sue been spending time for herself lately?
Thanks you guys...always good to hear from you...I know I must stop wondering whats wrong and those things are getting less and less..I have started my quilting again..I have joined a book club...have church committees...so I can keep busy or just lounge around at night and watch tv. It is those times that we all know happen, when I think maybe he and I are thinking totaly different outcomes of all this..maybe he is paving the way to let me go...gently.. with no intention of even trying and I am thinking of the future with him,a new marriage...even have thought maybe a new house with more breathing room..it is these times that I must journal my feelings. I am so envious of the threads I have read where after only a few weeks or months the spouses are calling...hugging..kissing...talking and I don't have any kind of response or ideas what h is doing or thinking. So don't come down too hard on me..I am really just posting my frustrations.I have done a great job on patience..in every aspect of my life..something that does not come easy. Night all Sue
Quote: I am so envious of the threads I have read where after only a few weeks or months the spouses are calling...hugging..kissing...talking and I don't have any kind of response or ideas what h is doing or thinking.
I hear ya on that one sue, took my h being away and me finally "detaching" while he was gone 6+ months. but it can happen. PATIENCE is definately one of the lessons we learn through all this.
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