Thanks LL, I know I am better, but not sure if h does..He did not bring his laundry over Sunday, as he has always done..I immediately thought he's tired of being around me for a couple hours..or he can't bear to come to his home anymore..I talked to him today and he said that he took it to laundramat..told me he can't always bring it here to do it..I said yes you can anytime.Oh well..had a nice talk with SIL tonight..she can't figure out what he wants..she did say that one time when he talked to her he mentioned all the things he felt like he was missing..going out with friends..etc..but he is not a party goer.. So..I just tell myself to hang in there..give him time..My d even said to me "you don't have to see or talk to him everyday".true and I don't but a part of me want to keep in contact so he won't forget me..he did call and ask if I wanted to go to his Christmas party Sat..I said do you want me to go with you.. he said he guessed so.So is that a No not really but since I already mentioned it I guess I will or is that a small step that he would not say anything more if he did not want me to go??So hard to know Sue
are you calling h or leaving it up to him to contact you??
I would suggest that in the future you ask NOTHING of h, do not inquire his where abouts or what he is doing, even something as small as what he did with his laundry. I'd just leave him alone for a while, and if he does ask you to do something like the christmas party don't question him just accept or decline.
Quoting hoping: ..she did say that one time when he talked to her he mentioned all the things he felt like he was missing..going out with friends..etc..but he is not a party goer..
You don't have to be a party goer in order to enjoy other people's company. A quiet evening at home playing cards, triva pursuit, whatever. Do you bowl? Play darts ... bingo? I think you get the picture.
That was one of my wife's complaints a while back, that we don't socialize with anyone and in fact felt like she was not allowed to have any friends (...although I don't know where that came from? ) . My wife has developed some friendships with the gals in the school kitchen staff (she's the cook). So to encourage her friendships , during the summer, I suggested we invite them with their spoused for a cookout, but she never acted on it. The is one friend she feel as close to as a sister, and for the last six months I occasionally suggested perhaps we can go out to dinner as couples. Last night she finally asked if it would be OK if we went over to their place for dinner next weekend. Of coarse, I said yes.
Quote: ... but a part of me want to keep in contact so he won't forget me...
Sue, he is not going to forget about you , but look at the flip side, what if by not hearing for you for a little while, he starts to miss you?
Quote: I said do you want me to go with you.. he said he guessed so.
Sue, accept his actions at face value! He wants you to go with him, that is why he asked. If he didn't he wouldn't have initiated the invite, but no one likes to be second guessed. When he asks if you want to be included, avoid answering with a question. Just give him a polite but direct answer.
LL and KAW you are both right(as usuaul) Why can't I just let go??I thought I ws doing real good..making time for me..taking care of me..actually liking going where and when I want without having to let anyone else know..but and a big but..that part of me wants to be wanted, loved, hugged just something to let me know I am loved or at leaast liked.I am sure a professional would say these are all normal feelings and I know it is ok to feel these things.
woops I hit enter too soon...I am so afraid that all this will be too comfortable for both of us and we won't even want to try to piece it back..why would we..if you can come and go, have friends..be alone, pay the bills, why bother trying to live together again. Sorry I sound down, just feel like nothing is changing either way.I don't think I have pursued him..but will not call him. Come to think of it the one Sunday I did not seek him out, he came to me..so there are things if I just watch. Thanks for the support..it feels so good to just come here and write Sue
Quote: I am so afraid that all this will be too comfortable for both of us and we won't even want to try to piece it back..why would we..if you can come and go, have friends..be alone, pay the bills, why bother trying to live together again.
sue, before you married, could you pay your own bills? have friends, be alone, come and go as you please?
if these things are sooooo wonderful and would keep you and h from peicing and eventually living together again why did the two of you do it the first time around??
sometimes what we think we want is not really what we want.
Quote: Come to think of it the one Sunday I did not seek him out, he came to me..so there are things if I just watch.
and didn't that feel much better than the times that you saught him out??
it takes time, give him his space, enjoy your own and have faith that things will work out for YOU.
Thanks for stopping by LL, I was just at your thread. answer to your question about before marriage.. no..we were both at home..never had dated anyone else..I did not have too many friends that I did things with..so that is why I am afraid that this is what he has been seeking or is seeking and will become comfortable. I had a long talk with my friend at work and she can't imagne not giving an ultimatum..I said that is not how it works if you want to piece it back.I pointed over to our files(divorce) and said "look at all those..they probably did not know how to try and work on the m..cause d is easier and quicker" Outside people do not understand why we would be so patient, understanding..they think that after a month or two that everything should be worked out or move on..so sad. I don't know if there will be a time frame..when I have a crazy day of all down thoughts I think well maybe it's been long enough, but then when I get my mind calmed down I realize there is no time frame..how will we really know if it is just a bad day or two or really the "time" to make permanent decisions??? Have not seen or heard from h since Monday, that seems like an eternity to me..but I will not call him.. I feel strong to hang in there.. Sue
LL suggested I stop by. Our sitch are very similar. My H left this weekend. Bomb dropped in April 2002. EA with OW was short lived when her H found voice mail message and stopped it. I truly bekieve that there is nothing there. H hated me in summer and was really angry. We have become friends lately. Check my thread over in newcomers.
Like you I want H back. I need to be patient and give him time and space but it's so hard. I am also going against a clock. H had filed for D. Since I acknowledged it things seem better. I can only hope with the waiting period we can piece things back.
I wish you luck and see a lot of hope in your sitch. Hope to hear from you.
Dotto..welcome to my post I have read your posts on Ll, will come over to yours..it is very hard..but with all the support here..prayers..we will make it.. Called h today to ask about $ for d college books..told him I was short on funds with all the insurances etc.. he transfered some into our account..no questions asked..I also told him the federal thing to fill out for student loan assistance asks if parents are married/divorced, single/seperated..well, we are m, but seperated..he said that everything is still at our address..he did not even change address on his ck account..interesting..as much as I get down on the possibility that he may not want back into this m,he has not changed those things!!My pma is up today..looking forward to Sat.night Christmas party with h..I wish I could drop an extra 20 pounds by then!!I have a neat new long black skirt and glittery red top that looks prettty nice on..bought long time ago on shoppping trip with daughter..told her maybe her dada would be going to Christmas party and invite me to go..as the days got closer to December I figured he was not going to go/or ask me.Then he said it was after Christmas..and dd just smiled and said you can wear the new stuff you bought..So I do feel good..I might even have a few drinks(I don't drink too often)now wouldn't that just shock him .. Night all Sue
Thanks for the welcome. I also sometimes feel aprehensive about H coming back. It's only been a week for me. He took all of his clothes except for winter jacket for shoveling and snow boots. I guess in an apartment complex you don't need to shovel. I guess I feel okay because he left his golf clubs!
H is coming today for lunch and to pick up mail. He is coming on Sunday to take care of family issues and then we have C session Tuesday night. I also spoke with him several times on the phone last night. I know I need to just stop longing to see him but I am sure that will come with time.
Have a great time at the party. I wasn't invited to H party this year. But he brought me home the centerpiece. Go figure.
When you go act like a girlfriend not a wife. That will have his head spinning. Be flirtatious and coy!
) . My wife has developed some friendships with the gals in the school kitchen staff (she's the cook). So to encourage her friendships , during the summer, I suggested we invite them with their spoused for a cookout, but she never acted on it. The is one friend she feel as close to as a sister, and for the last six months I occasionally suggested perhaps we can go out to dinner as couples. Last night she finally asked if it would be OK if we went over to their place for dinner next weekend. Of coarse, I said yes.
, but look at the flip side, what if by not hearing for you for a little while, he starts to miss you? 