Pete, this is pretty overwhelming to read about... I can't imagine what it must be like to be living it.
Many of us (well, anyway *I*) have done really embarrassing things, especially in the sexual department, and I commend you for being brave enough to toss your sitch out on this board.
I don't have any advice at the moment, just wanted to welcome you and acknowledge your post. This is indeed a crucible time.
A bitter lesson here... (Thank God it wasn't HIV.)