sue it's a long road home...I understand how you feel..try not to let the anger creep in as I have...it is not productive (unless of course you can channel it somewhere, I move furniture around)
remember dr is only a guide it is not an exact science...find what works and do more of it....you don't always have to be silent...lord knows I didn't.
Thanks, guys for the mood booster, this is one of the many positives that we all have going for ourselves. Coming here, venting, crying and yes laughing while going through our personal journies. LL, I am trying not to let anger take over, but as you know we have a right to have our feelings, and over the past year I guess I kinda kept them covered for fear that I would upset something. Now I am learning that I don't have to. It's all about learning when, and how to display and communicate those feelings. Bob, you always have wise advice and hints to follow. yes h knew him, not well, as they moved after a few years, our daughters were good friends. Our d and her friends left for a trip for the weekend, and I asked her to call when they got there. She did and I thought it would be nice to call h and let him know she's ok. So I did, and he was not home, so I left a message with all the details not expecting a call back. In the meantime i decided to go to video store and get some Christmas movies(it was 9:30p.m) when I got back he had called and said if I got back before 10 he would still be awake. So I called and we just chatted for a few minutes about the day and d trip. he had asked wheere I had gone so late, and I told him I got a few movies, he aske which ones. Sooooo I saw that as a very tiny step to caring about something. He is a HUGE Star Trek fan, and son is going to see it tonight,(he works at theatre so can have friends come and watch after it closes) I asked h if son had asked him to go..he said no, I thought h might ask if I wanted to go. It's not my kind of movie, but I would go. So, today is a brighter day and we all know we have the roller coaster rides ahead, it's being able to get through each step without losing control and I feel that it could easily fall apart if we did not have the tools to catch it in time. Sue
Hi, h stopped by last night after worka nd asked if I wanted to go to Star trek movie..I went because I wanted to, but I don't like those kinds of movies..while we were sitting there waiting for it to start, I asked h if his bank is having a Christmas party(he has not said anything and I know he has every right to go without me)he said it was in January and did I want to go, he then added with a smile, "that ought to confuse the h*** out of some of them" because some gossips are spreading it all around that he left me, and that bothers him. I told him that is pretty common.I know I should not have said this but I did, I said "Is that the only reason you want me to go with you"?He smiled his old smile and said"no". Also asked me to go to Church staff party next Sunday and our video club party on Sat. p.m. Should I be happy that we are doing all these things together???We have been doing them all along. It is not fixing anything that needs to be fixed.We are not spending time alone to reaquint with each other. But I will enjoy the time out together. Sue
H came over to do laundry and watch some football. I had some baking I was doing and was torn if I should be sitting in with him. So I did both, he does not say anything unless I start the conversation. I did ask him about ff, she has the new "love of her life", h said they might go to Cancoon in January, I said do you think she's going to jump into m again, h said she needs to get d first! I asked if she calls him like she used ot, he said no, that she spends all her time with "him". Good for me, but h, I hope sees that he was ok for all those horrible months she had with her h, and now that she has a new man, she does not need him. I still wonder if there really was ever anything more between them, if so why didn't h choose her over me???They could have planned it all, and then when h moved out they could be together..maybe I really and once and for all was very wrong on what I suspected. Da..why do I think h is cold to me, I do believe(unless I am wrong..again) that he is hurt for me assuming there was something more then friendship.I still think he made the choice to comfort her too much, while pushing me away. I do have to be careful not to ask him these same things every time he's here.I think I have brought her up several times and I know that he will not want to come around if she is going to be in every conversation. Otherwise good day, took off a few from work, it feels soo good to have some stress free days..went shopping, baked.just played house..When I was sitting in mall, I saw young couples and thought "that was us a few years ago", where did it go wrong..c brought up once that being m 23 years means we did something right..I hope we can recover it again. Take care till later Sue
sue, I know first hand it is hard to not wonder about such a friendship...perhaps it was my worries that pushed h further into the friendship...but then in my case the friendship was hidden from me. ff may have at one time had her eye on your h...the shoulder to lean on through a diff time..but has found a new man..so no need to worry bout her.. as far as h...does it matter at this point what the ff meant to him??? maybe he did have feelings for her? maybe he's feeling down with her not needing him anymore...does that matter??
if h is not initiating any conversation (even small talk) then I would suggest you let him be..if he is watching football and you have other things to do...do them...let him be...I'm sure it is uncomfortable for both of you sitting there...so let him be..let him be comfortable on his couch in his home...remembering how cozy it is there...do some little things around the house to spruce it up a bit...a little decor change ya know..
be comfortable and go about your business...you keep feeling like you should go in there and make talk with him...it's not working for you because you are feeling like you have to initiate... eventually if you keep busy or run out to the store while he's busy with laundry...he'll have to initiate some talk!! and if it's lead by him...you'll feel a whole lot better.
Ll, you always have a way of making sense, it sure helps to hear it from someone else. I am going to start being busy when he caomes over. you are right it seems tense just sitting there. Thanks...take care Sue ue
Hi, was talking with daughter today, and she told me her Dad called her and asked she wanted to go shopping for something for me for Christmas!!This is a man that did not give me a card for our anniv. and birthday(both in Sept) I told her maybe he does still want me around. I told her I did not know for sure what he wants right now, she said "mom, he wants and needs space..it's not all going to get fixed in a month"! My little girl(20yrs old) is sounding so mature and grown up. We did get a Christmas card from a relative that is "assuming" things that she has seen and heard, and she addressed it to just me and kids..I was mad, as were my kids... I know he moved out, but s and d both said he's still a part of our family..of course my sister doesn't think that should bother me, but it does. my mil addressed it to both of us.Sister said of course his mother would..yeah well his family is not so judgmental. No one understands that we don't hate each other, it is not the "usual" sitch of fighting and screaming..but we are seperated.. and I have to not let all these little things make me go into denial that it might not work out..But I am feeling pretty good right now. Bye Sue
Went shopping to mall as a family..h had called and said he supposed I could come along if I left he and d to go on their own..I asked d if they were buying gift from her to me or h to me. She said he wanted to get me a gift..is this a small step or a giant one?? I think this time away has been giving him what he seems to need. It is funny though how people talk. Someone saw him at lunch with our pastor, and asked a mutual friend if he was dating her. I guess I never realized until now what people really do assume.Would I think the same thing if I saw a recentl seperated person out with the opossite sex..maybe..it just bothers me what people say when they don't know the whole truth..This all has been an eye opener in many ways.
Hope everyone is doing ok with the holiday almost here.I think for the first time in my life I can see that the presents and all the glitz that we caught up in is truly not hte meaning of Christmas, and that there are so many things to be thankful for if we just look. Sue
Merry Christmas to all...H just left after spending the day here.. I was fighting tears.. I can't explain why sometimes I cry when he leaves..I managed to say Thank you for the nice sweater he gave me and he said "you're welcome". I gave him a couple Santas as he has always wanted to collect them, and no one has ever given him any, so this year I found a couple nice ones. We went over to his family last night and had a good time, then to church..It was sprinkling snow as we went in..so beautiful. Sue
