I definitely agree with Mojo... is there some reason why you haven't pursued anything "artistic" in the past? By artistic, I mean writing, poetry, painting, sewing creatively, music? Were you EVER drawn to any of these things? It could very well be that at this time in your life some kind of creative expression that is uniquely yours would be very emotionally nourishing. Do you keep a journal?
In college I was drawn to physics, but because of the beauty of it... the romance of it. I think you know what I mean. The glorious symmetry, mystery, magic of how the universe and the natural world work together.
Remember that the 4 and the 5 are at the bottom of the enneagram "star" close to the abyss represented by that place where the star does not connect. So both of them are always a hair's-breadth away from that place of sadness. (Are you listening to this mrs cac, since you're in a 4/5 pairing?)
Fours are also very into nostalgia. This: "drive around through all the familiar streets and reminisce with me since I knew I wasn't coming back" is so 4 I could die! I do this all the time. I love to look back and say "I was there then," "It's been this many years since whatever." I love to look back through time, and also wonder, "where will I be x months/years from now." I'm a military brat and I've gone on google earth and looked up every place I used to live (that I could remember the address of) and traced my path to school, my friends' houses, etc.
