I know I should be getting all this by now, but I really feel like h thinks by being silence means I don't care. He has never said that, but it is just a feeling I get. I want to believe that all this dbing works, but I start doubting that being seperated and not having some serious talks from time to time is what is going to mend a m. We don't need to talk everyday about r, even every week, but if the waw spouse does has trouble talking about these things, who is going to start the process??I am getting restless(1 month gone). I know patience...but I don't see anything has gotten better or worse. I take that back, h does seem to feel better since leaving, so maybe it's just cut and dry. he won't ever feel good about coming home again. Sorry, I am just doubting that if we will ever be back to together again. I have not really expressed too much anger, but I feel like maybe some is creeping in, and some days I feel like I wish I could have left.Our kids are grown but still at home, and you know what, i would like to come home to an empty house to just unwind, be alone.Yet I think h is missing out on talks with his kids, that I get to have. I love my kids, and I know that we have layed the foundation so when they are ready to be on their own, they will.I don't want anger to take over, or everything I think I have changed will just backfire.
just need to vent, things have been hectic at work, and yesterday d and I went to the funeral of our former neighbor that was killed in a car crash. He was only 46 and had a wonderful life, 4 kids (2 had just gotten married), and I stop and reflect on what we have. His wife is faced with dealing with his loss, while trying to comfort 4 kids. In my thoughts these past few days I pictured my h calling me up and telling me that this death has him thinking about all that we have and how much he wants to be able to work it out..with time. But of course these are my dreams..I wish that for Christmas he would just give me some kind of hope. My fear is that by his silence, it means that he can't bring himself to really tell me the truth, and that he has no feelings any longer. Oh my, I better stop before I convince myself that theres nothing left. Sue
