For me, limbo is this: waiting for things beyond my control to be resolved. Specifically, H's reluctance to move home and be more than my boyfriend.
Your question is truly interesting, because as I think about it, I realize that I still have some expectations that are very likely unrealistic. For some reason, I keep hoping that something will click inside H, and it'll be like he just WAKES UP and realizes that he's got a FABULOUS wife and gorgeous kids and a great life, and they deserve nothing less than for him to drop his impenetrable defensive wall, realize how his actions have repeated themselves over the years and LEARN how to stop his "screw up" patterns (his words), live up to his potential, move home, ask for forgiveness for all the pain he's put them through (or at least show a smidgen of remorse), return to activity in church and be the leader and protector of his home. Oh, and maybe spend more time with the family than with his ATV (or other ultimate horse-power project).
Sigh. I'm not asking too much, am I? (eye roll) Many of these things are pretty unrealistic, given H's personality and continuiing ambivalence. Maybe some of them will come with time, but the likelihood of them coming all at once, overnight is slim indeed. I have yet to figure out exactly what I need to require in my M, so I'm not forever disrespected and taken for granted--and what expectations I need to let go in order to make our R a safe and desirable place for H to be.
In the end, he is the father of my children and I love him. So here I am, detaching and sharing my feelings with everyone BUT him for fear of driving him off, reaching, stretching, striving to improve my understanding and skills, but at the end of the day, I'm in limbo, because I'm shouldering 90% of the load...and don't have a clue as to how long I will be required continue to fight alone.
