Lil, I should have realized I am a 4 when I showed my mother ( who, at 89, is still sharp as a tack) the enneagram descriptions awhile back, and she immediately recognized me as a 4. It's strange, though, because I am not artistic, my life's work has been scientific in nature and I like being organized. I have a fondness for nature and and an eye for color, though.
I have always known I have to be careful not to sink into the abyss. Even the happiest events of my life are infused with sadness. I remember at my wedding feeling sad about my grandmother. And when I graduated from college, I made my roommate ( who was a definite 7) drive around through all the familiar streets and reminisce with me since I knew I wasn't coming back. When my son was born I thought, " It's all downhill from here." I am strangely comfortable in sad situations, and I sometimes find happy states as not authentic. Yet with it all, I tend to walk around effusively, usually with a smile on my face. I'm a closet depressive, and my H has borne the brunt of that.
Anyway, I am keeping the faith that I will move ahead with H and get to a better place, but not without venting some of the lower emotions along the way.
