Muddle, how is it that you are responsible for her unhappiness? Why can't she just leave if she wants to?
This is just another instance where my W is blaming me for her own choices. She wants to end things in agreement. She wants us to come to this together. I don't think it's right, it's not what I want, so she can't have what she wants. If she can't get what she wants she makes herself unhappy so the parental figures in her life will rescue her from her feelings, give her something she wants. It's really immature. Then again, this is my interpretation, my perception, so it's probably my projection too.
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Do you have her chained to the bedpost or something? What is stopping her? What could you be doing to mess up her little dream? I don't quite get it. If you are preventing her from leaving, I would have to ask WHY?
The door's wide open. She just doesn't want to leave under the current set of circumstances, and she sees me in control of the circumstances, so she twists it into me preventing her from leaving. The fact is that she's preventing herself from leaving by making it contingent on me.
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Also, your W saying "why can't you just give up on us" reminds me of my W telling me she didn't want me to hold onto any hope. I told her that she could take everything else away from me but she couldn't take my hope. That was all mine and only I would decide when to let that go, not her. We control what we can, and let go of what we can't.
I can't control whether she stays or not. I can't control whether she's happy or not. I can't control whether she sabotages everything in her life. I can't control whether she negatively impacts (in my perception) my son's growth and development. Yeah, it's just my opinion, but to be badmouthing his father constantly to the point where he walks around saying "daddy's always right, mommy's always wrong" is far from responsible. It's not in any way factual, and it's not right for him to be exposed to. But what can I do???
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
