1. You said you love her more than life. If you said you loved her something fierce, I'd say OK. Part of the problem is that we do love our spouses "more than life". That, is, we may love them more than God. And they feel it. A statement like like means that they are our idols. And no human can bear the burden of being God to us. Unless they do "X" or "Y" or come back to us, we are shattered. It's hard, and I'm preaching to myself, but it's imperative that we love God the most. If his love cannot be taken from us, then the pressure is off our spouse.
2. Blame. Oh my. The willingess to blame yourself or the OM is interesting. Blaming the OM is primarily biological -- you are trying to defend your family against an external threat. In addition, you are trying your hardest to love your wife through this, so most of your anger has to go somewhere, so it tends to go on the OM. Blaming yourself....hmmmm As long as your are not wallowing in self-pity, it's not a wholly unhealthy response. By looking to yourself, you are looking to the only person you have control over in this situation. You are taking stock, admitting mistakes, and, in that wonderful-old fashioned way, repenting. You are turning from death to life, from alienation to love. You are changing yourself. Bravo!!!!
And yes, part of you still blames her. I've found that's the least healthy emotion in my life because it makes me judgemental, and then tense, and then angry at my wife. But then, it's OK to stop, take stock and realize that she is hurting you and your kids, but, you instead, get to play Christ, and love and forgive.
3. Looking forward to seeing your wife? It's natural. But look forward to it in a different way. You are the cool, attractive, "Alpha male", OM who can easily seduce her. You are NOT a desperate doormat who lives moment by for any crumb of affection she throws you.
