I think this is where I belong

[LoginName]

JBF, this post sounds good to me. Your maintaining your boundaries, your staying detached, and you're doing laundry! You didn't push her when you had the chance. I could learn from you. I hope I do, but it's damn hard not to press when you want resolution.

Really good to hear your D is sleeping better (that means you are too I bet). I'm surprised your D hesitatated to go to your W. I wonder why. Maybe your W's sadness and tears put your D off a bit?

I see you still think about the OM, and try to guess your W's motives. Who doesn't. But it sounds like you are doing it without so much emotional attachement. Great. I'm in a better spot than you as far as the OM is concerned, but it's still terribly painful. I think I'm detaching from all that crap. If you can do it in your sitch, than I should be able to too. Good job.

You know, just some observations that may not apply to you, but might. You say you were pleasant, calm and distant. To you, I'm sure you were. To her, it might have been the opposite. I'm shocked when I talk to my W how she percieves me as angry when I'm not, upset when I think I'm holding together really well. I wonder if she sees only the upset and not how incrediebly strong I'm being dealing with all this ;-) or if she is projecting her own feelings. Regardless, I tell myself her perception isn't that important. I feel I'm doing well. So do you think this applies to you? Is your W's percerption really different from your own? For instance, why did she feel the need to explain she hadn't partied Saturday? To appease you? In her mind, to make you feel better? Because she felt guilty? Again, I guess we may never know. I just find it strange that these people whom we love and have loved, and they have loved us (they really have) should now say they don't love us, and yet still act as if they care. If they didn't care, why would they be upset, why would they explain their actions when they don't have to, why would they ask how we are?

I guess the answer could be because; they aren't in love with us any more but do love us, they don't love us but feel guilty, they don't love us but are confused, etc. I just have to keep reminding myself not to assume anything, not to expect anything, and that she doesn't love me (and yours?).

Sorry, dove into my own sitch and feelings there a bit. Still, the detaching thing, not being fooled by any sign of affection, or not letting it affect us emotionally. By the way, I didn't use spell check on this. Hopefully it's not too noticable.