You S14's behavior is similar to what I have seen from my two. He's processing his emotions, and the reason why he is having bad dreams. Wanting to go home, or to the "cave" as I have called it, is only because he feels safest there, as he mulls through his feelings. My S15 (just turned 15) spends a lot of time in his room, where he can let his guard down, and relax. The stomachache and headaches come frequently in my home. Usually, it seems it's because they are upset, while trying to deal with their emotions. Often times, it's only a matter of time, (maybe 2 or 3 weeks) after a tummy ache, that I find S15 going toe to toe with me... but I've come to learn that he does this with me, because he can't do it with his father, the person he wants to be angry with and because deep down inside, S15 knows that I will always love him, be here for him, regardless of what he says or does. Those emotions have to surface, and it's best they are allowed to express them now, than sometime later in their 30s - 50s.
Your H's behavior, typical, typical. They can't understand why you are uncomfortable with them, hey, it's their reality, and they will make it up as they go. In his mind, he has the right to be angry, hostile, or whatever, but you should always be just thrilled and feel graced with their presence, and shouldn't be hurt or angry by the things they have done to you/us/the kids.
It's mind blowing at best, but when they are in full alien garb, they have no empathy, no comprehension of what they have done, feel every right to do what they have done, and will expect you to smile, be happy, and accept what they have done. Yuck!
Yes, he's not the man you married.... nor is mine, and I have felt as though he is a complete stranger. I cringe at the thought that I married a man who could act the way he does. I find myself looking for excuses.... You are not alone.
Keep your eyes and mind on the positives in your life, ignore the alien beast at all costs, and continue to look for the humor whenever possible. It helps while trying to tip toe through the emotional land minds.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
