8, I think the important thing to remember right now is that IT DOESN"T MATTER WHO IS TO BLAME. Let yourself off the hook and don't bother putting her on one. The focus should now be "what do I want instead". Continuing to try and figure out whether she is 65% to blame versus your 35% is a cheeseless tunnel. We all have a tendency to go there thinking somehow this will make things clearer for us. It will never be clear and that's what we have to let go of. Choices were made by both parties, some worse than others but they were made. The questions now should be "what next" and "how do I get there". Take care.
