Paul - what you have said here [and in the subsequent posts], seems so true to me. I instinctively KNEW immediately my h dropped the bomb that I had to get away and stay away. The only contact I have had have been initiated by my h.
Despite much evidcence to the contrary, I do believe that my h loves me, but cannot access that love. It is buried. He is getting his love back for his kids - although they are being tough with him.
At present as he emerges from the tunnel it as if he has two versions of reality before him - it is a bit like old glass window, where as you move your eye across the pane, some parts give a clear view, and then there is a big distortion.
My h writes and reviews, I have noticed the whole time that he has been in MLC that what he has written has been so much less good than the way he used to write. I thought, maybe I am being bitchy, but then I looked at things he had written previously, and he is writing less well. Soemthing he wrote in January was much better than what he produced last June/July, but it is still far from his former clear style. Similarly his political views have become rigid and simplisitc, when he was a man of subltely and humour.
He is not consciously lying - he believes his version of reality - that is what is scary. They leave out any parts that don't fit, and when presented with an incontrovertable fact, will shift their story to fit the facts. If anyone comments on this, they are being 'nit-picking'.
He is shifting in the tunnel - it is still a step back for every two steps forward, and teh pace is frustrating, but he said to me in January 'I feel as if someone else has been living my life for the past eighteen months, and I don't like it. I want my life back again'. He has retreated again, but I don't push him. He will emerge, I believe, in his own time.
In the meantime I have shown him that there is unconditional love A lesson that we both had to learn, I think. I didn't think I was capable of it, and it is sobering. Love really is the greatest thing. God is love, truly.
