JBF, I hope tomorrow doesn't live up to your expectations. That would be tough. It will have a sense of finality, I'm guessing. But we both know it really isn't final (you may even wish that it were in a way ;-)
I think you said you had a good weekend planned. I hope you allow yourself to have some fun.
Ta!
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
Mmmmm. I hear what you're saying Jack. I don't think I am doing that but I'll keep reevaluating my motives. In any case, had the first nightmare free night in a fortnight. Wey hey! She still woke me up but without the screaming, If she's ok tonight, I'll suggest that W sees her on Sunday morning.
Apart from that I've been feeling pretty down today after a good week. I think it's because I know that I'll drive home tonight to the 'for sale' sign. She does seem to be moving forward quickly with this- it's only been 7 weeks tomorrow since she went. I guess in her mind she's pretty certain. Also I have my counselling later which does destabilise me initially sometimes.
Still have a full weekend ahead, doing lots of things. I'll try to focus on that. Hope you all have a good one too.
Grace, i do find that my C is really helping me to process all of this cr*p much quicker than I might have done otherwise so for that reason I'm really glad I'm going. However, depending on what we've spoken about, I can either come out feeling immediately calmer or I feel shell shocked and unsettled, but I do feel better within a day or two. Does that make sense? Either way I know it's the right thing for me at the moment.
D slept without nightmares on Friday so I texted W to suggest she saw her on Sunday morning. She got straight back to me (it was fairly early too so maybe the party life didn't happen on Friday.) She tried to change the agreement again regarding taking her to her new flat and I stood my ground and said D was still too unsettled for that.
We agreed then that she would collect D at 9 o'clock on Sunday. At 9.20 I had a call from a panicked W who had overslept. She was at pains to tell me that she had been alone at her flat and hadn't been out so that she could be fresh to see D. OM away for the weekend?, I asked myself, but anyway.. When she arrived 20 minutes later she was very apologetic and obviously felt terrible for letting D down again. D was reticent to go to her, but with my encouragement she did.
When she dropped her back off later she was very tearful. She asked how I was, I said fine and asked her. She said ok but was hesitant. I think if I'd have pushed it she would have opened up a bit, but I didn't and just carried on with what I was doing (the laundry, see I can do it too!). Throughout I was pleasant, calm and distant. I think I did well.
I've just had a text from her asking how D slept last night (I'd said she could see her on Wednesday as I'm late at work, provided D's nightmares didn't start up again.) I think she is starting to miss D really badly. Also interesting that whatever the reason, she doesn't seem to be living the full party life that she craved. I, on the other hand, was out partying on Saturday. Ain't life strange?!
Regardless of all of this, house is on the market with potential viewers in today so nothing's changed really. Feeling good today.
been reading your thread, like many of us you're stuck with an MLC'er that is only thinking of themselves....I'm sorry. I to think that you are being a great dad to your little girl !! Well done, for loving her so much and for getting your life on track, those are huge steps and you're taking them ! You're GAL too. Try to detach more from your wife, it's too early IMHO to think that she will start seeing sense...this takes a while and we have to be patient. In the meantime enjoy your time with your daughter, you have been given this, it's a gift, a great oportunity to bond with her ! You're wife will wake up one day and see what a wonderful man she left........it's up to you to see if at that point you're still prepared to let her into your life again.
It's hard, it has taken me SO LONG to learn how to detach, and I often still struggle with it. But I've come to a point where I feel that if I don't let go and let God, that I will go under again, and THAT is not an option....I have 3 wonderful kids that are counting on me being there and never asked for any of this !!!
Take care, and well done with everything so far !!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
JBF, this post sounds good to me. Your maintaining your boundaries, your staying detached, and you're doing laundry! You didn't push her when you had the chance. I could learn from you. I hope I do, but it's damn hard not to press when you want resolution.
Really good to hear your D is sleeping better (that means you are too I bet). I'm surprised your D hesitatated to go to your W. I wonder why. Maybe your W's sadness and tears put your D off a bit?
I see you still think about the OM, and try to guess your W's motives. Who doesn't. But it sounds like you are doing it without so much emotional attachement. Great. I'm in a better spot than you as far as the OM is concerned, but it's still terribly painful. I think I'm detaching from all that crap. If you can do it in your sitch, than I should be able to too. Good job.
You know, just some observations that may not apply to you, but might. You say you were pleasant, calm and distant. To you, I'm sure you were. To her, it might have been the opposite. I'm shocked when I talk to my W how she percieves me as angry when I'm not, upset when I think I'm holding together really well. I wonder if she sees only the upset and not how incrediebly strong I'm being dealing with all this ;-) or if she is projecting her own feelings. Regardless, I tell myself her perception isn't that important. I feel I'm doing well. So do you think this applies to you? Is your W's percerption really different from your own? For instance, why did she feel the need to explain she hadn't partied Saturday? To appease you? In her mind, to make you feel better? Because she felt guilty? Again, I guess we may never know. I just find it strange that these people whom we love and have loved, and they have loved us (they really have) should now say they don't love us, and yet still act as if they care. If they didn't care, why would they be upset, why would they explain their actions when they don't have to, why would they ask how we are?
I guess the answer could be because; they aren't in love with us any more but do love us, they don't love us but feel guilty, they don't love us but are confused, etc. I just have to keep reminding myself not to assume anything, not to expect anything, and that she doesn't love me (and yours?).
Sorry, dove into my own sitch and feelings there a bit. Still, the detaching thing, not being fooled by any sign of affection, or not letting it affect us emotionally. By the way, I didn't use spell check on this. Hopefully it's not too noticable.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
I do feel more detached today than I have been on the other occasions I've seen W. I haven't found myself agonising over things she said or did and have really let it 'wash over' me more. It doesn't change facts anyway.
Not sure why D didn't really want to go to W. She was very clingy to me and in a way this confirmed to W that D really has been unsettled as I suspect W thought I was over reacting a bit. I think she could sense W's sadness too. Plus she'd been waiting, looking out of the front window for 45 minutes for her and I think we'd all be a bit pi**ed off with that. With my encouragement she did go and had a good time, I think (although she didn't really want to talk about it afterwards).
Yes, LiN, her perceptions are probably very different from mine. I think I handled the situation pretty well though. For example, in the past, I would have given her a bit of a hard time about being late for D but I didn't yesterday, mainly because she did that herself. I think she mentioned about no partying on Saturday so that I wouldn't think that she was prioritising that over D, as she did last week. And also because she felt guilty about letting D down too and wanted to excuse herself by saying it wasn't because of her social life. But, as we know, I've really, truly no idea.
I go from thinking that she does love me to thinking how could she possibly love me, even as a friend, and put me through the torture of the 2 months she was at home whilst seeing OM. She has maintained throughout that she loves me as a best friend and in fact said on many occasions she loved me and D more than anyone. As I say though, I still think it's a funny sort of love which allows you to watch the other person in such pain and still carry on with the behaviour that's causing that pain.
