Thanks for the advice and encouragement, 1210. I can't sleep, so I got up and took a sleep aide and thought I'd check in for a few minutes before I try to get to sleep again.
I know I need to get back in the saddle and that I was feeling so much better, and I will do it again. As I said, it's just harder this time because of the reasons that I mentioned. I had hope last time. This time I still do, but it's different. I know that everything that you're saying is right and that that is what I need to do. I just am so very weak right now, and it's so hard to muster up the strength to do the things that I know I need to do. As I said, I hope it will get easier with each passing day. And I will work on looking out for baby steps from him to help to encourage me.
I keep thinking about the night he came home in January for just that one night. Although the night was still a bit awkward for obvious reasons, it was also so magical. He held me like he used to; he rubbed my hair; he told me he WANTED to be home; we made love TWICE in the same night; he left me a nice note the next morning in which he said "P.S. I'm sure you know I love you." Looking back, it was a better night than we EVER had when he actually came home.
So, why was that? That happened maybe about a couple of weeks after I started doing much better with DBing and doing things for myself, etc., and not pestering him so much. As you know, I wasn't perfect, but it was a long haul from where I had been. He had actually rubbed my shoulders that night at our awards dinner ON HIS OWN - no asking from me. My heart melted. He didn't do that at all when he came home. Any physical touching was 99% of the time initiated by me. It was horrible.
So, that being said, I have to believe that my Db'ing just might have been the cause for that night. I don't know for sure, but it's the one thing that was different. So, I just have to pray that if I work on getting to that point again, we may make a turn for the better. I KNOW he's tired of the conflict and my depression and sadness and predictability. I'm tired of it, too. I DO get all of this; I promise. I know what I have to do; like I said, I just feel so weak right now and sick to my stomach that I have lost so much ground.
Do you honestly think this is still saveable? He's never said that it was over before and that he didn't want to try... I can only pray that it was just in the heat of the moment because he was so tired of my badgering him (even though he said it wasn't). I also know that he at least still cares about me and that he doesn't want to intentionally hurt me. Since he knows he still wants to give it a shot with her right now, maybe he doesn't think there's any other choice but to end it with me? Maybe he doesn't think I have the strength to carry on knowing he's going to be with someone else. I have to admit, it is pretty messed up. At the same time, if it's what I must go through to get through this and to become a better person, sobeit I suppose for as long as I can take it or until he says he's actually ending it for good. I'm not going to make it easy on him; if he wants to end it, HE can be the one to bring it up from now on.
Thank you again for your encouragement. It's nice to know that you believe in me...